i feel like as months go by with out the boys seeign there dad i feel like more and more pain i hate the fact that he can get a gf and have time for her but never time for his sons. our son was sick and i called him and he played a huge game on me and when he called me back and told me he would call us tomorrow becuse he was at the bar and the kids were asleep and he said he would then the next day right after our son Doctor appt. i call him to ask why he didnt call like he said he would and his phone is shut off and his mothers and his sisters and none of his family know how to reach him and keep asking me were to find him becuse he never sees half of his family that i still talk to.im lost in all this and i wish he would call and we can talk and get tjings out of the way and get this huge ball off my chest but its like im wasteing my time trying to reach out to there father in hopes he will change. he tells me he is going to jail for un paid fees and the late child support that he still owns me and that he cant do anything for us and that he is not moveing on ever and i was just so so idk what im trying to do or why i am so hurt that he wont even come see us or call us at all its like to him we mean nothing like they mean nothing and it ******* hurts so bad

((Hugs)) to you and your kids. I wish I had a magic answer. basically mine has treated me like that for 20 years. Lots of time for him, friends, bars, NO time for me and kids (including when I was having surgery or when I was having HIS babies). So after 20 years I have finally given up trying. He is who he is. I DESERVE better. this is where the change comes. When you KNOW in your heart that you are worthy of love and respect. that it is a problem with HIM, not you. He leaves you out because he's selfish. he won't try because he can't. I am not saying these men are fundamentally evil (although I admit to thinking that of mine many times!) But they are not functioning properly. Something in their brain is working right (I mean it, I am not trying to be funny). Don't call him anymore. Well, sounds like you can't anyway. He knows where you are if he wants contact. I hope you have a lawyer to help you with the money issues. You are hurt because you care, you have a heart you are a normal human!! I don't care about my stbx anymore, I couldn't care less if he dropped dead right now, in fact I'd consider that a bonus, but his behavior STILL hurts. I know my worth, my kids worth. Why he doesn't care? Can't see how lucky he is? I've stopped trying to understand. It still hurts though and I get really angry every time I see him, How DARE he treat us like we are nothing?? But this anger is good I guess. At least I don't feel like why should he treat us better, he treats us like nothing because we are nothing. No. My kids helped me with this. I see how great they are, and he treats them like they don't exist. Then my eyes really opened, if he can ignore them too, it is definitely his problem not mine. And slowly I began to see my own worth. Focus your energies on you and your kids. He is not worth losing happiness. Just keep reminding yourself. It is hard. It is impossible to understand. But it is what we are faced with so might as well let it go and move on. One of my favorite Churchill quotes is "If you're going through Hell, keep going"!

i just feel like he could be with his son if he would only try but he wont and i hate him for makeing the kids feel like **** cuz he never calls or sees them and i dont know what more to tell them? daddy has a gf now daddy cant be here? daddy dont have a ride cuz he wont call for one nor will his family try and bring him? daddy wont come see you cuz daddy has dates to go to or better things to do? daddy blames mommy and there for takes it out on you? he says he has no real issue with me but i do think he does. he blames me and acts like such a ******* on the phone makeing it sound like im this huge deal that just wont go away. is that what he wants is for us to go away? should i take his rights away and live with it? or should i deal with it and keep lieing to them cuz i dont want them to know there daddy wont ever come home :(

My counselor told me that I can't bash their father, but I don't have to protect him, either. So when Jerk doesn't follow through on something, I simply tell my kids I'm sorry they are feeling sad, I don't know why their father has made the choices he has, I can not explain what he is thinking, that is something that is outside of my control, etc. I don't say BAD things about him, but I don't lie for him. Realizing what a loser a father is hurts, but once they recognize the truth, they seem more prepared to handle the disappointments. From my experience they place the blame where the blame belongs. It doesn't always work like a charm, but it's better than being put in the middle. Good luck.

yeah i see what i mean i dont want to bash him but i think there getting tired of hearing " daddy could not make it today" and it 3 months since the boys have seen there dad. i worry that he may never come back and i hate that truth. i hate it cuz i don't want them to go though that nor anyone how can a man that said he loves me and his sons be like this :( that was not the life i wanted for them at all i don't know what to do?? its driving me up the wall and i cant handle this anymore last night i was hitting my breaking point he blames me its my fault i should have done something to stop this but what what can i do how can i stop this pain? (sigh)

Own your own mistakes, but do NOT take his. I cannot imagine walking away from my kids. I about go nuts when I'm away from them for a day or 2. None of us wanted this for our kids. On the other hand, without the sperm donor we wouldn't have these blessings. So, each time I become frazzled with the outcome of my marriage, I cling to that thought. Your kids will be OK as long as they know you love them and you give them the support they need. I've got one of mine seeing a counselor, the other seems OK without it. So each kiddo is different. (((Hugs)))

thank you i love my kids more then anything i love haveing them in my life and think about them all the time. but even the sadness seems to creep on me.

Angie, I understand your sadness. For better or worse (please forgive my sense of humor-the irony of the word choice) I have moved to the anger stage. Now every time Jerk does something that is hurtful to our children, all I want to do is grab his manhood and twist them off. So, this stage has its pros and cons too. Really, I am not a violent person-but DON'T MESS WITH MY KIDS!