HI MY NAME IS PAMELA,

FIRST I WANT TO SAY THAT I HAD THE MOST WONDERFUL FAMILY.
A WONDERFUL HUSBAND AND TWO GREAT KIDS, NOT PERFECT, JUST GREAT.
I HATE GAMES AND DRAMA.
AT SOME POINT IN MY PARENTS LIVES THEY SEEMED TO BECOME, FOR LACK OF A BETTER WAY TO EXPLAIN THIS: THE BRUNT OF SOMEONE HATERED.
I MAY NEVER KNOW WHAT IT WAS OR WHY, THESE " NICE PEOPLE'S" LIVES AND OURS BECAME A "GAME" TO SOMEONE.
I DO WANT TO SAY, IF THIS PERSON READS THIS, YOU HAVE A SCREW LOSE. ever heard of sitting down and talking or how about court... was it your intention to takeover someones family? if so why?
MY DIVORCE STARTED STRANGE, WITH WHAT SEEMED LIKE ALOT OF PEOPLE IN THE BACK GROUND I COULDN'T SEE.
I COULD FEEL MY LIFE SLIPPING AWAY. I COULD FEEL MYSELF LOSING MY CHILDREN ESPECIALLY MY DAUGHTER NATALIE( AT THAT TIME)BY PEOPLE THAT DON'T EVEN KNOW ME. BY PEOPLE THAT HAVE A RESPONSIBILTY AS HUMANS TO NOT ONLY TELL YOU IF THEY THINK THERE'S A PROBLEM
(KATHY) BUT TO NOT PLAY OFF OF IT AND ACT LIKE "I TOLD HER BUT, I GUESS SHE DIDN'T CARE.
MY CHILD HAS BEEN MESSED WITH MIND WISE SO MUCH-- THE VERY PEOPLE WHO WANT TO JUDGE THIS NOW, WHERE WERE THEY THEN.
LIZ J.--SHE'S MY UNCLES NIEGHBOR, NOT MINE. I DIDN'T LIVE THERE AS A KID.
WHY DID THIS HAPPEN? WHY WERE PEOPLE COOPERATING AND EVERYTHING SEEMED FINE AND THEN MY HUSBAND SEEMED PRE-OCCUPIED WITH SOMETHING TOTALLY UNFAMILIAR TO ME AND HE WASN'T GOING TO TELL ME WHAT HE WAS THINKING OR DOING. IT WAS LIKE I ALWAYS KNEW THERE WERE PEOPLE BUTTING IN, BUT DOING THIS AROUND US.

I WANT TO STOP ASKING WHY, BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO. I WANT TO STOP BLAMING PEOPLE I LOVED BEFORE BUT I FIND MYSELF SO ALONE AND NOT IN MY CHILDRENS LIVES TO SEE THEM DAILY THAT IT MAKES ME SO.... ANGERY THAT SOMEONE THINKS IT'S OK TO MANIPULATE MY FAMILY AND MAKE ME NOT THERE. TO MAKE A GAME OF OUR LIVES. TO WATCH US, TO GET TO KNOW HOW WE THINK THAT THEY CAN CONTROL HOW THINGS ARE PLAYED OUT LIKE THIS, WAS A GAME?
WITHOUT MEDIATION AT ALL. I NEEDED TO SIT DOWN WITH MY CHILDREN BEFORE IT WAS TO LATE AND HAVE A DICUSSION. MY DAUGHTER SAID" MOM WERE A FAMILY, YET SHE DIDN'T REALIZE THAT WHAT SOMEONE WAS HAVING HER DO AND WHAT SHE WAS DOING WAS MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE.

I INTURN WAS BEGINNING TO "LOSE IT" MYSELF, I HAD WHAT SEEMED LIKE ACTORS ON DRUGS AT MY JOB,IN MY NIEGHBORHOOD AND MY DEBIT CARD WAS CONSTANTLY NOT WORKING AGAIN.
WOW--- I THINK I WAS VERRING OFF THE ISSUE FOR A MINUTE THERE.
NOTHING SEEMED REMOTELY NORMAL AT ALL ABOUT THIS.
NO-LAWYER, NO- MEDIATION (MAN, I COULDN'T EVEN SPELL THIS WORD BEFORE THIS HAPPENED)
I DIDN'T HAVE ONE PAPER I WAS ABLE TO FILE.
STEVE IS GETTING EVERYTHING. I DIDN'T WANT TO FIGHT WITH HIM, BUT HE'S NOT AS NICE AS HIS MOTHER THINKS AT ALL.
I FEEL LIKE A FOOL, I HAD NO-ONE. NO-ONE.
IT WAS A LIFE TAKEOVER AND JUST AS BAD, OTHER PEOPLE THINK THEY KNOW WHY.
I DON'T.
I LOVED MY CHILDREN AND WATCHED OUT FOR THE NIEGHBORS KIDS, WE MINDED OUR OWN BUSINESS, WE PAID OUR OWN BILLS. I TRYED TO TAKE MY DAUGHTER TO COUNSELING TO FIND OUT HOW I COULD HELP HER.
DIDN'T HELP. PREVIOULY I HAD GONE TO COUNSELING WHEN WE MOVED THERE. BHO HEALTHCARE( MAYBE SOMEONES WAY OF BEGINNING TO SET ME UP?( REALLY, STUPIDLY I DON'T EVEN THINK THAT WAY---BUT...I SEE NOW I SHOULD HAVE)
REALLY WHO WANTS TO LIVE THAT WAY?
I JUST KNEW IF STEVE AND I JUST GRABBED AHOLD OF THIS WE COULD STOP IT, BUT HE WASN'T GOING TO BE THERE FOR THIS.
MAYBE I DESERVED THIS AFTER ALL I HAD MADE A MISTAKE TRYING TO REASON WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE THAT THERE IS NO REASONING WITH. WHAT DO THEY HAVE TO DO WITH US?
MAN, I HATE THE WORD "WHY" NOW.

THIS GAVE SOMEONE THE OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO REALLY WRECK MYSELF.

SHOULD I WRITE IT ALLOVER MY FORHEAD?... OR MAYBE PEOPLE CAN SEE IT THERE WITHOUT WRITTING IT AT ALL.

NATHAN I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'LL EVER FORGIVE ME FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO YOU SOON ENOUGH.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER FOR GIVE MYSELF EITHER.

I DIDN'NT UNDERSTAND WHO THIS WAS AND WHY ALL THIS WAS HAPPENING.
WHAT I WOULD LIKE NOW IS TO FIND OUT HOW TO GET AHOLD OF MY BANK ACCT. THE BANK ISN'T HELPING ME AT ALL.
A JOB.
PICTURES OF MY KIDS AS THE ONES I HAD WERE TAKEN.
I DON'T THINK IT HELPED GOING TO A FUNERAL OF A MANS WIFE FROM WORK AND HIM JUMPING UP WHILE HIS DAUGHTER WAS READING WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT THIER MOTHER, TO SAY HI TO ME. VERY BAD TIMING-ROC.
I FEEL FOOLISH THAT WHEN I SHOULD HAVE BEEN PLANNING FOR A WAR, I WAS TAKING A CLASS AT THE COMMUNITY COLLEGE AND WORKING.
I TRUELY HOPE THAT MOST WOMAN THAT READ THIS FIND A MUCH CLEARER PATH TO HELP. AND WISH YOU A GREAT LIFE, EVEN BETTER THAN YOUN HAD BEFORE.
THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME VENT.
PAMELA

I am going through the anger stage again, months after x has been gone. It is centered I think on financial, drudging up a lot of emotions.

let go & let God.

do something for you...buy some ice cream, have hot fudge on top & a good movie, distract yourself...

Take care.

Anger and self-pity were eating up last night, so i took my older daughter to a movie. We had a good time we did not talk about the flea(EX) or his life, but just us and the movie we were watching. It was great.

Yeah! I had a good day myself. It helps to switch gears & do something fun!

Hi Pam,

You can vent here any time. Honestly, when I feel lonely, all I want to do is just vent here. I never have, but I think it is a great way to get on the path of letting go. Right now you might not want to let go. When it comes to children, it can be difficult to forgive, because it doesn't just involve your feelings and your life, but theirs too.

I hope that everything works out for you. Since I have been married, there has only been about 3-6 months where I was happy. It felt like my life was perfect at that moment. However, when I realized what was going on around me, it felt like I didn't know anything. I had to find myself again too. It sounds like you have deeper problems involving finances. This isn't a case of identity theft is it? I did not fully understand your situation, but if I lost everything, I would try to start over. When kids grow up they have the right to choose to be with you or not. I have been at $0 before, and starting over was hard, but once you get through it, it empowers you.

I hope you don't take my reply the wrong way. I just really feel for you. I haven't prayed in a little while, Pam. But I'll pray for you.