i am single and its has been months since i really had someone i was close to our slept with (blush) i always thought if i got with another man it would be hard on my kids its way to soon way way to soon. but then i think there father as soon was we left and maybe even before then we were not together anymore he was with -her- and is still with her every time im on my facebook i look him up and find her on his friends list and look at the pics she has of him and her and it drives me nuts. how can he have a gf? how can he not find a job or come see his sons but can have a gf????? then the (anger) happens i hate him i hate him then the (sadness) why did this happen i know why it happned it kinda was going down hill with his drinking his drugs and then the coppers thing he was going down hill and would have taken us with him. it has now been 3 days since i last talked to there (father) and i feel like nothing is going to change so i have to ask myself can i be trying to understand him and the fact that i cant is driveing me nuts or the fact that i am doing this on my own and barly makeing it doing it? or is it his new gf? idk what im trying to get from him not money never was going to happen not love i dont think that was there to start and not lust cuz hes not so good there and what can it be? could it be that i dont want my kids to suffer anymore then myself or could it be that i am trying so hard not to just stop what im doing run back to him and beg him to be there for his sons and say its ok for him to hate me and treat me the way he does just (please) dont do this to them....................(sigh) to much on my mind thought i share it<<<3

You share the sentiments of so many on this site. First, quit tormenting yourself by looking on Facebook. There have been some threads about this on this site. If you continue with Facebook, set it up so you can't see what he (and gf) and up to. It sounds to me like you don't really want him back. What I experienced initially was a loss of the dream-I had dreamed of a perfect family (as I'm sure we all have) and this is the end of that dream. I have been to a counselor and that really helped me sort out my feelings. I only went a few times but it was beneficial for me. One of my children continues to go. The anger and sadness are all part of the horrible process. It is a horrible process. We hate watching our kids suffer, and this is something we can't fix. But you will survive. It will be OK in time. Hang in there. Hugs.

Look I think I can relate. I had been with this man for more than 20ys. and then one day he decided I longer live up to his image and had to find another woman. Big Foot works with him. He thinks she is woman of his dreams, He still calls me to let me know his plans, when he is having my son over. I play right into his hands and let him tell me what he is up to with her. I have tried to tell him how his Big Foot is getting between him and our kids, time after time, he don't care. I have stopped I will no longer talk to him about anything that is not about out son. I have decided he is no longer worth the time or my energy. If you have your kids with you make the best of it. Have fun with them and make it like, they are the most important people in your life. One thing I have to learn is to just not forget about me. I need to take care of me too.

Take care and do something for yourself today. Don't try to solve problems that you know we can't.