Sorry to hear that you are going through this but sometimes we just don't understand why things are the way that they are. If I were you I would try and talk to my children by myself. Just explain to them and ask them to trust you. How did you family react? Did they defend you, did they call you? Before you go and isolate yourself for no reason talk with them. Remember they are your family and he is just trying to get as many people to be against you as possible but stand your ground if you know you have done nothing wrong!
What have your family friends said? Are they giving you the same tiime and consideration of hearing your side that they gave to your husband?
I know how important it is to have the love and support of your friends and family during hardships like this. I have been fortunate to have that support. I will say that YOU know what went on and WHY it came about. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters.
I had a similar situation. My stbx had been emotionally and sexually abusive. I begged to go to marital counseling multiple times. He always flat out refused. He always said...we know what to do, we just need to do it. He would also tell me that if he was sexually satisfied that everything would fall into place. (Trust me...I did not deprive him of sex)It was just never good enough. Finally, after 20 years of marriage, I had enough. I consulted an attorney, filled out the paper work and sat on it for a bit. After the appointment with my attorney, I asked an old friend for some legal advise. He was an attorney himself and had experience divorce on a personal level. Long story short, we got closer and it resulted in an emotional affair. We live 400 miles from one another so it never went to the next level. I did eventually file for divorce (3 weeks after talking to my friend on the phone). My stbx found out about the phone conversations and said that if I didn't agree to counseling, he would kick me out of the house. He claimed that I filed for divorce because of my relationship with this other man. That was far from the truth. He told my teenage boys too. Fortunately, my boys did not shun me. Fast forward...I stopped the divorce, went to marriage counseling for over a year and just recently refiled for divorce. I'm ready. I did stop the em. affair a long time ago, but still miss the companionship.
What I will tell you is to try to focus on YOU. Do things that make you feel good....exercise...take a class...church..... When your kids see you being strong and confident and not ashamed, they will come around. Your girls are going through a lot right now. Remind them often that you love them and when they are ready, you'll be there for them. Tell them that it is okay to be angry,but that there's more to the story that they are unaware of...It goes much deeper than what their dad is reveiling.
Hang in there. It IS a long journey, but you can get through it...one day at a time. I am right there with you as are many on this board.
The only thing I would add to the previoius comments is please don't give in to any temptation to say anything abd about your ex to the kids. It may take them some time to figure out how they feel about whom, but you will only hurt yourself and your kids if you say bad things about their dad. Share anything you want to say here and in the end your kids will thank you for not making them feel they have to choose sides. Because no matter what happens, he will still be thier dad and they will respect you for respecting their relationship with him. I know this can be hard especially when he's saying awful things about you, but in the end it is the right thing to do and eventually everyone will figure out that it was you who took the high road.