See the Flea only does this when, him and big foot are going to be together. When he and my son are together he won't say what they are doing, but if big foot is coming along then it is "we are going here" "we are all going there" so that was the reason I was asking is he really happy, are the explanation really for my benefit or to just taunt me. To make me see what "they" can do for him. If big foot is not going to be around I don't hear about what they are doing or where they are going or anything. It is only when big foot will be around.

So is it really explanation or taunting....

My vote: taunting

Doesn't matter. Next time it is just ex with son, ask him what they will be doing. If he asks why you want to know, just say, well, usually you tell me, it is nice to know, just wondering if you had plans. If he puts up a stink, just tell him it's OK, you were just asking. Whether his words are explanation or taunting DOES NOT MATTER. It really, truly doesn't. That is HIS issue, not yours. If it is your issue, then it means you are feeling insecure that he can provide more things (in terms of money) than you can. So then it is your life lesson to learn that although these things are nice to be able to provide, they are not what really "sticks". Think about your childhood memories. Do you remember vacations as happiest times? Or moments? I travelled the world when I was young and I can tell you I do not remember specific places (and as an obnoxious youth, regrettably I admit I did not appreciate it either). But I remember specific moments. Times when someone was indescribably cruel to me (mostly, after all we do tend to dwell on how we were wronged!), but also times when someone was unexplainably kind to me. Your son will remember your LOVE much much more than outings here and there with ex and gf, especially if he wasn't particularly paid attention to on these trips. There are certain lessons in life we MUST learn. So we can recognize them and work on that, or keep reliving the pain over and over because we won't acknowledge it. I know it is hard. I am trying so very hard now to do this myself. Most times I want to give up but I know if I do it will never end. We HAVE to face our fears and insecurities or they will follow us around no matter what we do or where we go. So the question to ask is not what are his motives, but why do you care? Tap into your inner strength, the answer will become clear.

I'm with StrongSpirit on this one. It doesn't matter if he's just explaining things or taunting. In fact, it's entirely possible that he, in his mind, thinks it's just explaining that Big Foot will be along with them.

WK and I haven't spoken for....ooh, a month or so. It's been so peaceful, LOL! I did call him last week because I needed him to help me with a piece of paper work that I was doing for our mutual boss, but he never got back to me and I figured it out just fine on my own -- it took only a little extra time. (Danged if I'm paying him a consulting fee for my project, LOL!)

I go back to, you can't make sense of non sense.
Then I read the scriptures which calms my spirit.

Recently I have found this wave of disgust come over me, far greater than the origonal when he left.
It's not the same pain & heartache, not like that now.. I don't want him back.
But this total betrayal & shock perhaps? a stage of grief that a human being who said all of these wonderful (apparently non truths?) to me, could/would make such a JOKE of it all by ditching me, divorcing, leaving, in debt (pays 0 on it), etc.
then sleep with MANY other women when he said I was the one God Made for him....
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
talk about setting us up with their actions not matching words for non trust.
SO, I HAVE to recenter myself.
This EX perience has taught me a LOT about opposites & that I believe in Heaven there is an accounting &
raised Catholic my head goes to, Heaven, Hell & purgatory...
So, I have my, "tools," that I enlist to get through this.
Maybe too, when we are waiting for the man of our dreams that we marry... we have this canvus, painted then with our love & commitment. When they betray this then we have to repaint somehow..
One can't just toss it aside in mind/heart/soul that it never was, so recapturing the beauty maybe?
I'm convinced I am going through grief stages again & that it will take a # of years.
My ex seemed so intent on spoiling, the dreams, for himself, for me, for everyone concerned, & it is VERY hard for me to not love, forgive, & be kind to others.. he plays on this nature in people.
BUT I cannot /will not change (by not loving & becoming bitter).
Today, I am fixing a fancy dinner. Yesterday I had company & went shopping.
I need to get out my music & listen (I love classical & music of different cultures...).
I pray for all of us that we find peace in our lives, that we are empowered again by love & happiness & not allow this to stop us but reaffirm our strength in truth & righteousness!

The tone, which cannot be easily sent through this forum, probably makes the difference between informing and taunting. Conversations with my stbx have become almost that of an answering machine. When he calls to tell me something, I say "OK" and put no emotion into it. The only questions I ask are things I need to know. If he starts to digress, I make an excuse and abruptly hang up. If he is trying to have this conversation fact-to-face I walk away. In time he has quit trying to have a conversation with me, but in a matter-of-fact manner informs me of the things I need to know. If my kids are going out of town, I want to know that. If they are going to a movie it doesn't really matter. My counselor did not sugar coat it one little bit early on. She told me it wasn't my choice and that I needed to learn to deal with it. (I almost got up and walked out, but in time I've learned that she is right.) Then, naturally, she did give me some coping strategies. My kids are OK with the fact that they get to go do fun things with their dad but not with me. They are learning very fast how to play the game to their advantage. My kids know money is tight and this makes them really appreciate the things that I can pull off. They see time with their dad as fun time-when they need advice or security, they come to me. I can live with that.

Lots of good points made here in the responses. I agree that the kids will see what is meaningful in the long run. Good thing they live with you so they can see what is REALLY important in life.

Gotta ask why you let him do this to you. Do you have to talk to him about what they are doing? All you really need to know is when and where to drop your child off. We have a set schedule and our son is old enough to handle plans on his own. He does all the talking to his father. If your child wants to tell you what they are doing or did is one thing. I don't ask. Tell the Flea that you don't need to know what they are doing or just don't give him the opportunity to tell you.
If you have to see your ex while dropping off or picking up your child/children make it as brief as possible. Take away his taunt you if that is what he is doing. If it is just an explanation (which I doubt since he doesn't give them unless BF is going to be there)we have to accept that we don't need them. What our ex's do with the kids during visitation is none of our business just as what we do with the kids is none of theirs. As long as the kids are not being harmed in anyway.
Hope things get better soon.
You will be much happier.

Good points. Getting the right things packed can be challenging if we don't know. I tell my stbx if they need anything different than normal for the weekend, e-mail it to me. I know he's had to buy new swim suits before.