I am absolutely planning to divorce my husband but at this time I have to postpone it due to unemployment. I feel about a million pounds lighter since I made the decision but the waiting is frustrating.

I live in a state where the automotive industry is the big thing and I have worked in automotive for about 25 years and lost my job 18 months ago. Since then I have gone back to school and am training to become a registered nurse. I had to complete some prerequisite classes to get in and just applied a few months ago and will find out March 15th if I'm in. Well, it's practically a guarantee that I'm in because my grade point average is very high and that's the sole criteria for the school I applied to.

My husband is retired but planned poorly for retirement. He also ran up credit cards by taking cash advances and depleted his savings to give money to his kids, took loans against his 401(k) and a lot of other stupid financial stuff. Throughout our 11 year marriage I have been the saver and he the spender and whenever anything big has come up I have had to pay for it. THis includes the time we owed the IRS $10,000 in income tax because he lowered his withholding and the downpayment on our house.

I admit a lot of this is my fault because I knew before I married him he was a spendthrift but I thought I could somehow protect my own money. But now he has made such a huge mess that I am actually afraid to stay with him any longer and I have completely lost any respect I ever had for him.

He is already talking about getting a new Escalade when I graduate and begin working as a nurse and this truly turns me off more than you can imagine.

So, although I can't leave now because I am not working and attending school I have decided that once I graduate I am out of here. Luckily, I saved for this contingency when I began to see the direction the economy (and especially the automotive industry) was headed so I have the money to pay for school.

He is now working as a janitor because his pension isn't enough for us to get by on and his 401(k) is very slim because any time he wanted more cash in his pocket he just lowered or canceled his 401(k) withholding and he has no savings. I have already told him that I will not break into my savings even if it means we lose the house because I am fed up with his money shinnanigans. He lost most of his retirement bonus due to credit card debt he had to pay off and then he blew the rest on a gigantic TV.

I hate him and I have been carrying this secret around with me and just needed to tell someone what I am planning because I feel like I will burst if I have to keep it to myself any longer.

I suppose that it may seem silly to you that I wait, but I think it's better to have nursing school behind me and be able to support myself, pay for the divorce and buy a new home on my own before I jump in. THe home we have now is a very beautiful home, but has lost its value in the recession and we were forced to refinance because my husband kept taking home equity loans against it to get cash and now there is a 30 year mortgage on it that would take me until I'm 80 to pay off. And I say ME becuase he will get tired of working sooner or later (probably about the time I start working again and can pay it) and will quit. Without him sucking money out of my bones, I think I can pay cash for a small condo within a few years of running my own life, especially if I can find a deal in the housing market.

My plan is to just give him the **** house and cut my losses before this gets any worse financially for me. Then he can worry about the 30 year mortgage by himself. I cannot take anymore of him.

Thank you for listening to me.

Allie

You might want to think about the fact that he may have a good case for you having to pay him alimony especially with each year that goes by that you stay married and will have a high income as a RN. Just giving him the house may not be all you will be required to pay him. Seek some advice NOW while you can cahnge the future.

The best time to leave is now, not after school. He will be able to claim a portion of your income once you graduate....be careful your plan is a big mistake based on what happened to me when I tried to get rid of my loser. Basically had to pay him 1/2 my gross salary for the length of my 3 year divorce and then give him almost everything in the divorce settlement. I hope it does not back fire on you like it did on me.
Make sure you have no savings by the time you file as he will get half of this too.

I agree with the others, my first thoughts when I read your post is you might want to go before you have a good job. I am hoping to meet with lawyers soon. I have chosen three to meet and see which one I feel most comfortable with. I think you should go to one or more (many offer free consultations, even if you go to one you don't want to stick with you can still get some information) and find out what is the best thing to do. I am in a similar situation, change coming up, not sure when is the right time to file, so I will get the advice of a local expert! Protect yourself, sounds like he'll take you for everything, so just make sure you are OK and your hard work and determination doesn't line his lazy pockets!

Wow! Thanksa for the replies. I didn't even think of ME paying alimony to HIM. That would really be the cicing on the cake, wouldn't it? I am going to take your advice. I used to work as a legal secretary in the automotive industry, so one of my ex-bosses who is also a good friend is an attorney. ALthough she's not a divorce atty, I can contact her to ask for a couple of recommendations for good divorce attys. I have already planned to reroute a goodly portion of my non-401(k) money to my kids' names to prevent him from getting it from me in the divorce. Thanks you so very much for your advice. Allie

re routing money to your kids will not help you any at this point. If he know it exists then he can claim half of it, if he does not know anything about it then make sure he never finds out.