yes, it was I who filed. I had been threatening it for a long time. He just DIDNT get it. Now that I got the strength to finally file and go through with it, why do I still hurt? I feel like my chest is burning and caving in. I cry often, not because I want him back, but I guess I feel like I've A.) wasted my time and B.) feel like somewhat of a failure. Does this feeling ever go away? And if so when? I have a 15 month old and an 8 year old that I have to be strong for....someone......anyone.....help me please....

The fact that you filed doesn't mean the hurting will automatically stop. You had a dream a long time ago, and that dream has been shattered.

How long does it take to stop hurting? Each person is different. In my case, I'm almost through the divorce process and most of the time I don't hurt any more. For others it takes a lot longer. Once the divorce is final, I might go through a lot more hurting.

I filed too. I remember the week before I was a wreck. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep heck I had to remind myself to breath. I had told my ex that I was filing before and he always pushed it off. "We're okay" "It will get better, you'll see' and the ever present "I promise_____"
I finally got the nerve to tell him to leave. I thought that these felling I had the week before would just go away but they actually got worse. He played a big part in that, he took the news very bad, idiot, I had been telling him for years I was unhappy and he never seen it coming.
It took me a while to be able to fully function again. I had to write down things that needed done for the day just to remember to do them, simple things like laundry.
I am so much happier now. I realized that I had lived so long taking care of him and his needs that I had to learn who I was before the pain would go away. 11 years being someone wife took away who I was and you know what? I LOVE ME! I am fun, I am smart, I am kind and I love being a Mom more than ever. Taking care of the kids use to tick me off, because I never had help but now that it's just me I know that I can do it and I LOVE it.
Your pain will go away. Allow yourself to hurt for the time you have lost being you. As for being a failure, your not. I felt that way too and the ones who really love me don't think I failed and if they do then they can take my ex and try more.

First off, what an amazingly familiar story! i didnt allow that much time to pass...actually its only been 3 years this Feb. but i feel like i was married to him for 20 years. I know im not a failure but it sure feels like it at times. I know the pain will subside and come and go in increments, but i just hate how it feels right NOW.

Thanks for your story...I needed to hear that!

This is all normal...part of grieving the loss of a dream, sweetie. I filed after 31 years of abuse; even after 6 years, I grieve. Get into some counseling, if you can; lean on friends, write in a journal.

Hugs, Alliso

I've said it before...divorce sucks but living in a bad marriage is worse. You will soon replace some of those feeling of failure with hope and excitement for what is ahead for you. I fought the divorce, I fought for my marriage. I HATE to fail. But I've decided I didn't fail. I gave it all I had. Surround yourself with people that believe in YOU, the people that know the truth, the people that love you NO MATTER what. I, too, had no life outside of my family, but I am finding I have friends in people I didn't even realize. Hang in there.