My husband made me leave my house one night about one and half months ago. We have been married for 32 years. There have been no affairs, but he has been known for verbal and physical abuse. It hasn't been much but ever since the physical abuse I have always been afraid to tell him anything. He quit a job that paid $100,000.00 a year and went back to work at a job that only paid $45,000.00 a year. So I started using credit cards to make ends meet and didn't tell him. I was also just working parttime, and went back fulltime. I stayed with my sister for about a week and half then found me a place to rent. I had no money but found the help. He has told me from that first night he wanted a divorce, we agreed on everything including on the house contents and money. He has told everybody he sees that we are getting a divorce, but hasn't done anything about it. He told my oldest son and of course it was all my fault, and he wouldn't talk to me for two weeks. The youngest seems to be ok. our boys are 31 and 21. I finally went to a legal service and she told me I had to file or we would just wait on the papers from him. He has not filed yet. He has seen two lawyers and I think he hasnt done anything because they both told him I would get half of the money which is about $150,000.00 dollars. I don't wantthe divorce, but need the money to pay off the credit cards and banks. We have gone places together and talked and it seems okay, but his mother has cleaned his house, cooks for him and bought him furniture to replace the little I took. She also goes to see him two times a day or he will go see her. My emotions are so screwed up I don't know what to do.Help
Divorce is NOT EASY.. & the first 3 months I struggled with a lot of pain, it waned after that, but never did I want him back.. I think we reach a point where we know they aren't going to work on things.. etc. that's where I was at.
the last 3 weeks & I am past the divorce but now dealing directly with the debt part (since he doesn't pay on it/ I'm stuck with the burden of it all..).
I have been very angry the last 3 weeks & the only way I can stave this off is from exercise. If I don't I stew over it..I still get mad, irritated etc.. because there's always something I'm dealing with yet in the aftermath.. but burning off my energy helps a lot.
They say at first it feels like being hit by a truck. yep. Also, I have heard the first # of months it's just overwhelming in every way.. I agree.
So give yourself time. If you can list things on paper, emotions, plans, goals, get information right now if nothing else.. support groups, legal, etc...
When you hit a wall, do what you can do.
My ex would run back to his family instead of dealing with me, his wife, he would idealize always prior things, & notlive in reality. So now I still deal with the ramifications of his choice to leave...
I read the bible .. Also, I remember too I was SO busy trying to get resituated in all of it.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
The longer away the more it helps to separate his reality from your own.. but at first it's more literal & crisis driven. Once you resettle you can deal with the emotions more fluidly, but right now, try to deal with taking care of your needs.
When my husband left me for the last time I remember not crying much at all.. I was just glad to be off of his roller coaster he put us both on.
Exercise helps me stay in movement with emotions...
otherwise I get stuck (seems that way for me..).
TAKE CARE & you are not alone!