I will pray for you...i totally understand...the serenity prayer works for me when I get sick with worry...NOT HEALTHY

"LORD HELP ME TO ACCEPT THOSE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE"

I love the advice you have already been given, I hope you take it to heart! I definitely focus on WHY I am leaving when I start feeling sad or weepy. I realize that when I feel that way I am mourning what I wish I had, not the loss of what I actually had. What I actually had was a nut case on my hands! If you start feeling emotional, bring up a memory that always gets your back up. When you hear the words "divorce granted", imagine yourself with your arms out and spinning in circles as a child on warm grass on a sunny day and think "I am freeeeeee....!!!" And smile. What is your expression right now? Neutral? Smile. How do you feel? Isn't that cool?? I love that! Imagine what you need to, if it's God's presence or the souls of loved ones smiling at you and beaming pride at you for your strength, for finally getting out so you can be happy. Whatever it is...maybe you can think of some things you can use. After 20 years I am filing next week. I cannot imagine how it will feel at the divorce. I know when I met with divorce lawyer I did not feel weepy, I felt almost (ALMOST) embarrassed for staying so long, and resolute in my decision to leave. When I was talking with a therapist, he was trying to tap into my 'hidden sadness', well, I realized there was none left! I had NO urge to cry WHATSOEVER! So you may very well feel much better and stronger than you think you will! Focus on what you are leaving behind. He threatened to kill you? Once is enough, but you said almost on a yearly basis? So feel that swell of pride, he tried to weaken you, he tried to paralyze you with fear and misery, he would have been happy if you lay down and died. But you didn't. You stood up and you fought and you did what you needed to do. Having a little place near your daughter sounds so lovely, just think of how peaceful you will feel and you will have your sweet daughter near by! (My daughter is only 10 but she is my angel and I hope we always stay close, not just of the heart!) God bless you, I hope he gets the money together so you can get out and get free.

One more thought...

You wrote "I have so many fears and projections of how my emotions will hold up." So change those thoughts. Imagine the situation and how you WISH you will react. Anytime you think you will not react well, replace those thoughts immediately with how you hope to react. Keep doing this until the day and then it will come true! When you are focused on your own behavior, you can imagine things into reality. Pretty cool