Well, it sounds like you had a comfortable life, and now things are going to get shaken up a bit. You can't change that he is leaving, what he is doing is really awful. But I guess if he can just do that, then you were not being loved the way you should have been, you just didn't know. Now you do. You can't change his actions, but you can change how you look at it.

Did you have dreams you gave up for the marriage? You can revive them now. Were you really LIVING all those years, or just existing, going through the motions? Nothing to really complain about but not much to rejoice either? If you are not comfortable being alone, you are being thrown out of your comfort zone. This is not necessarily a bad thing! You will start to realize that you are fine on your own! Ask yourself WHY you can't be alone. Can you not entertain yourself? Find a new hobby. Can you not take care of yourself? Learn how to. Do you like to talk? Join a book club. Do a bit of soul searching to ask yourself what you are worried about and think of ways you can fix it. You see, you will NOT be alone, only if you choose to be so. If you have lots of love to give, you can volunteer with animals, children, the elderly, there are lots of places where love is short and desperately needed!

I am taking a course starting next month that covers basic home repairs so when my stbx FINALLY gets out of my house I can take care of minor things myself. Also want to take a car care course but it wasn't offered this time (look in your community catalogs, adults schools, etc., it's fun and no pressure). Empower yourself however you can.

Of course there is hope for love at your age, but don't make that your priority. Make your happiness your priority and if someone comes along you feel worthy of being allowed into your world, then good. If not, also good! Try to look at it as an adventure until it truly feels like one. The old "fake it 'til you make it" mentality! I WISH I had been fortunate enough to have a nice, comfortable, life-long marriage. But you know what, my life would have been nowhere near as exciting as it has been if I did. I would never have taken the chances and risks that I have because there would have been no reason to. I would have never known what I was capable of doing, never come close to reaching my potential.

So now is your time! Check out the story of this lovely woman, Sally Gordon

http://jezebel.com/5721325/meet-the-awesome-101+year+old-lady-who-walks-to-work-every-day

what an inspiration! And check out this beautiful 73 year old woman, Ernestine Shepherd!!!

http://www.bvonsports.com/2010/04/22/ernestine-shepherd-fitness/

If I feel too old for one thing or another I think of them and suddenly feel young and get going!

Keep posting here. Get the negative out. Share the positive. We are all in the same boat and will support you without judgement.

Yes, you have come to the right place. I have 'met' so many ladies here that have helped me more than they will ever know. Knowing someone else has had similar experiences, finding out resoruces, discovering coping strategies, and helping me have hope have all been invaluable. It is my opinion that you need to heal from this relationship before you'll be able to have a succssful relationship with someone else. I have reconnected with "old" friends and sought out some new ones. My children keep me busy and limit some of my ability to be active in social circles, but I'm working on it. There is life during and after divorce. Hang in there. Hugs and prayers.

Strong Spirit and Becky,
Thanks so much for you kind support and advice. You are both right of course and everything you said is so true! I am working on healing from my marriage and am already much, much stronger than I was when I first found out about this 4 months ago. They were the hardest 4 month of my life but I am getting there. There will always be sadness, sorrow and regret but I am better than I was.
But as much as I appreciate your advice, I am not sure you understood. Even as I say that of course I know that nobody can know what the future holds for me. But I was truly talking about the love between a man and a woman. I can and will take care of myself, I have no choice. But I like to feel like a girl, I like to be held, I like to go out dancing. I like the interaction between men and women. I guess I am an incurable romantic, even at my old age, but I want to feel that I am the most special person in the world to someone, that, at the end of the day, there is someone who cares if my day was good or bad. I guess I need to grow up but I will miss that stuff and do not feel that I will ever be truly happy, truly fulfilled without it.

We get it, trust me! The point is that if you feel you can only feel truly happy and truly fulfilled with a man in your life, well, you are cheating yourself out of some due happiness. I can only speak for myself but I am pretty sure we would all love to have a sweet man to come home to, who holds us and cares for us. But you can dwell on not having that or focus on what you do have. Even women with perfectly adoring husbands can be left alone when they die, but they manage to still find joy in life. The man in your life should be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. If you put your need for a man above everything else, you might end up rushing into a relationship that is not best for you and get hurt again, and no one wants that. I don't think you should worry about finding someone else, I am sure you can, especially with all of the online sites, local meet up groups, etc., you can find someone. But think about the QUALITY of the person you want to be with. I don't think it's a matter of needing to grow up, it's perfectly natural to want to feel like a girl, loved, cared for, protected, at any age! And I am sure you will get that again, I am sure any of us who want that can get it. It might take some of us longer, depending on the wounds we have to heal, but we do all deserve a warm and loving relationship. But until that happens, it is so very important to learn to make yourself happy. It's a different kind of love, but just as important.

You are so right stongspirit. I have been separated and going through the divorce the process for only 6 months. But, I am lonely and worry about being alone yet I am only 40. But, I refuse to make the same mistake I made with my marriage. I was with him for 15 years and married for 10 years and in that time I lost myself in him. If he was happy then I was happy. What is that all about? I don't want to be alone but, I know I need to so I can learn to love myself first. Also, my therapist sent me a post from a website about not looking for love and just being happy with life in general and then is when the possibility will arise - it can down to not feeding your ego. I also look at being with someone right now has a band aid on a wound that is to big to cover. This situation really s..ks but, time is what is needed. This website and everyone here has really helped me so much! I don't feel like I am going crazy for what I am feeling.

I some times feel like I need a strong person to just put their arms around and let me know everything will be fine. I have thought, out of the 20yrs I was with the flea, I never had that. He would not hug me, even though he knew all I need was a hug to make me feel like he cared. Now I find comfort knowing one day I will find that person who will make me feel like everything will fine, that person will be ME and only ME. Without ME nothing will ever be fine. I think we are all looking for that strong man to make our troubles go away, but we first need to find ourselves and make sure we are fine. I hope you fine that person you are looking for and makes you happy. Keep posting let us know how you are doing.

Thanks everyone! You are all so right and I know it. Believe me, my marriage has had it's rough moments, much as we loved each other, we were opposite in so many ways and his lack of compromise skills and communication led to lots of difficulty for me through the years. Still, I wanted to stay with him, the problems were not that big in my mind. But since he's made the decision to go to someone else I have hurt like never before, I had no idea it was possible to hurt so much. I have no intention of rushing into another relationship. Still though, at my age, (almost 53), I feel that I don't have THAT many good years left so I don't think I can take too long to
heal or to start looking. Meanwhile, I am so glad that I have found this site. You all have been very helpful already and I am sure I'll post again soon - I have lots to think about and deal with as do you all. Hopefully, I will be able to offer some advice and comfort too.

Yes, you're 53, but with the life expectancies what they are today you have plenty of time. Shoot, you have your retirement years, those years when you can really focus on your partner.

I'm sorry but your stbx sounds like a jerk to do what he did to you.
I would heal before dating .. that's my opinion.. it's easy to rebound right after coming out of a relationship /divorce.
The ramifications are huge (for me) & yet constant reminders because of divorce, property sale, financial.. etc. grrrrrrrrrr
53 is not old. 80 is old (that's the definition as to old/age).
There are many out there & don't ask me why, that have a fantasy of married life/some idealistic relationship. Seems to me? this type of person of which my ex is, will forever be in search of...
Before I met him, I had guys that were prospects & kind, good looking (to me).. would have worked out, beautifully...
2 (from before) both have been interested in dating since he left me.. I need to heal right now.. friends are one thing.
I guess I am blown away at the hell he put me through.
My life was stable & I wanted to marry, etc... had many friends .. now it's starting life over because of his selfishness.
You'll be alright. He did this to you.. so I believe he will be the one paying the price in the big pic.
Take care.. you're not alone!

I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse; I am now 64; age is irrelevant to me. Been single for five years (hate it), but haven't found anyone I am interested in n the dating sites; all you can do is put yourself out there.....hobbies meetings, etc......whatever you like to do. You may want to consider counseling, also.

Kind Regards, Allison