I understand what you are saying as well and that is exactly what I had to do to get through my divorce. I had to hold in my feelings. I had to decide what was worth fighting for and what was better to just walk away from for the sake of my children and for my own sake as well. I now deal with my ex in a friendly manner and we work together the best we can to raise our children...all emotion set aside. But I also know so well what Becky is talking about. It was a long hard road to get to where my ex and I are today. But there is a justice I never got during my divorce. A side I could only deal with through friends, family and counseling. The side we have to put aside to move on and obtain the blessings we deserve after going through the he11 the children and I have, the he11 my ex will never understand. I don't know if the person that started this thread has ever been betrayed and cheated on. Have you ever been lied to and disrespected by someone you gave your whole life to, have you ever seen your ex treat others so kindly and then turn around and treat you like garbage because he feels you are holding him back from his new affair. Have you ever had people come up to you and tell you awful things your husband has said to them about you or how they have seen him walking hand in hand with a young married girl while you never expected such a thing. Have you ever given your whole heart to someone over a 20 year period and then he just rips everything away you ever worked for to give it to someone else...to buy her gifts, take her on trips, give her time with your children etc. I could go on and on with even worse things he has said and done to me and the boys, but I won't. It is over. I don't deserve to even dwell on these things that he did and still does at times. With Christ's help I just let it all go and move on to what I know I deserve, but that is not to say that they never happened or that I will ever get moral justice on this earth for all he has done. He and his girlfriend are now in God's hands. My own lost justice is in God's hands as well...what the court systems let slide by or do not care about...God does and that is where I find my peace and grace to let this all go....but it happened and there is no erasing what they did and do...no matter how much they try to make themselves look just and caring in other's eyes. So I know how these women feel on this forum. I was once where they are and when it is so new and raw and you feel as if your heart is ripped in a million pieces it is hard to focus on what needs to be done to come out as whole as possible through all this. I don't think anyone comes out whole after a divorce. There is always a little broken piece somewhere after all the damage, a scar that we may hide, but is never really gone. I'm not saying we can't overcome divorce, heal and move on trying to make it as fair and easy on the children as we possibly can. But that also takes two people to make happen and sometimes it is awful hard working with the other person when they have done so much to destroy all they can. It takes time and inner strength and grace....I found this with friends, family, this forum, some counseling and Christ. One needs a solid foundation of support to do what you are asking, but it can be done because I have made it through he11 and back and many of the women here will as well....we are stronger than we think.

You are all in my prayers,
Susan

Very well put Susan

Thank you Susan! I don't think I could have expressed it as well as you did.

Great response. I live it and I think you talked for a lot of us here. Thank you.

If everyone agrees to damage limitation it may be workable but it seems to me most divorces are not amicable and working together is not always an option. Sometimes you are trying to 'work' with someone who ultimately wants to destroy you anyway possible, thats tricky!