My husband decided he didn't want to be with me after having over a year online affair with a woman. He's not going to her cause she stayed with her husband. There's a lot more to the situation. We have a 5-yr-old son. He's been violent to me more than once during the past year, even recently. I still love him, but I am ready for him to leave.

The thing preventing that is that we are in a bad situation financially. He was laid-off back in November, and has been unable to draw unemployment yet because he worked in another state. I just graduated a month from college with a bachelor's in psychology(pretty much useless). I've put in for any kind of job I'm qualified for from factory jobs, health care, office, outdoor jobs...anything. We live in a small town where the economy is bad, and jobs are hard to find. I'm headed out to all the fast food places today in hopes of finding a couple part time jobs.

With all that said, he can't leave. He will not go to any of his family, and he's threatened more than once to take the few dollars out of our account if he leaves. He's a very unstable, unreasonable person and I know if I tell him to leave or even make him too mad he may not even file taxes with me in a couple of weeks, and I need that money for mine and my little boys survival!

So I'm trying to ride it out but its so hard. He is constantly on his computer and phone messaging other women, but being all secretive about it, like I have no idea what he's doing...After the affair going on the past year with one woman, its like I feel the same hurt constantly seeing him do this. During the entire length of the affair I confronted him a lot. He has passwords on everything. I found out what I could, but all he gave me were lies and more secrets. He made me feel like I was crazy and a horrible person every time I accused him and this "friend" of more than friendship. He would only admit to what I could prove and put together piece by piece, but it finally all came out.

Now he's treating me the same thing even though we're not really together. I'm preserving my gas for job-hunting so I can't just leave all the time. I'm stuck in this habitation with constant pain. I asked him to just be honest with me now that he isn't with me, but he still refuses to do so. It just makes the pain, anger, frustration, and all the crazy feelings I'm having now worse. How can I deal better with this until the end comes?

Living in limbo is the worst place to be. Contact an attorney (1st visit /consultation usually free); get some counseling to help yourself and your child. call a women's shelter for help.

What do you mean by the "end"...are you planning to leave? Don't give ANY indication of what you are thinking or feeling; he will use it against you. He is unstable and has been violent. Talk to a women's shelter. your son is your first priority; he is being affected, also as I am sure you know.

Do NOT confront him about anything. Don't ask him to be honest. He won't be. Keep yourself safe by discussing only what is necessary; you need a plan of escape if he becomes violent again; that is whee a women's shelter can help you.

I completely understand!! Mine won't move out either!! It makes me CRAZY. I am getting serious anger issues. I used to get so angry at him because he was never here, now I am so angry because he keeps coming back!!! I agree with Allison, definitely go see a lawyer! You can get a free consultation. Get all your paper work together, all your questions written down, and go. I was told I could file to get him removed (he's an addict), so you should be able to get yours out too, with his history of violence. Don't know if it's the same in all states, but in PA you file, then even if he doesn't sign in 2 years (I KNOW, sounds like forever, but better than 2 years and 2 days!) the divorce is granted, whether or not he likes it. I tried therapy, still looking for one I like! And definitely don't ask him to be honest with you, I agree completely that it's a waste of time, he never will be. And why know all the details? It'll just hurt more. Is your son in kindergarten? Full day? Can you walk somewhere while he's out? (You said you were saving gas for job interviews). I graduated with a similarly useless degree years and years ago. I was able to get work in daycare centers and also a home for mentally retarded/physically handicapped teenagers. These both are places with high turnover rates, maybe you can try something like that? Or a home for the elderly? These places really NEED caring people, too, so if you can focus your energies on taking care of others (instead of thinking of HIM) it will not only be a paying job for you but therapeutic too, and you will really be helping others. I also volunteered with abused and neglected children, is there anything like that near you where you could work? You could be an aide at any of these kinds of places. Even try to volunteer a couple of hours, you can see if you can make connections. That's what I did anyway for a while. I can't think of anything else. As for the other jobs you mentioned, your degree might make you over-qualified and so it will be tougher for you to get a job like that. Try to focus your energies on your son when you are at home. Ignore your husband as much as possible, the less interaction the better. I am usually OK until I see him, then the rage swells in me so huge I hate myself. I was actually so enraged at him this morning that my brain couldn't think of a nasty remark to throw at him (me at a loss for words?? Now THAT'S saying something!! ) so I remained silent (no point in blurting out something stupid, it HAS to be severely stinging or it's just not worth it to me ) so I guess he took my silence as indifference. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. So if you act like you hate him, it still feeds his ego (as much as I tell myself this over and over I STILL have a hard time keeping my big mouth shut) so my best solution right now is I avoid him as much as possible (if I hear him come near a room I am in I leave or if I can't I just refuse to look at him. I avoid eye contact...or watch out!!) So I really get your pain, it is AWFUL. If he leaves you could hurt really bad but then work on healing and move on. When he's there...the wound gets ripped open over and over again, everyday is a reminder. It SUCKS. But there it is. Pray a lot, scream when you are alone in the car, love your son, love yourself, care for others, know that HE will one day suffer the consequences of his actions but YOU do not need to worry about when or how. Just know and let it go. Easier said than done, I know. I hope someone else has some better advice, I will be looking for it! I am getting desperate!!