Sue, I am replying to this a bit late as I am new here but I feel so bad for you. I can understand perfectly what you are going through, I too feel physically ill some of the time. I too just wish he had some regret, some sorrow, I too believe that somehow knowing that would make me feel better. I just wish there was some part of me that he would hold special forever. Something about me that she will not wipe away. So sweet lady, I am afraid that I'm not sure how to help you except to say that you are not alone in this. Somehow, someway, we have to get strong, we have to get through this. I keep telling myself that I will NOT let this destroy me. The problem is I only believe that half the time Hang in there. I'm with you.
Thanks girls for your support. It does actually bring some peace knowing that I am not alone & if you girls can do it then I certainly can trot along with you. 50% of the time is probably where I am at too, minus a day or two when I probably reach the 99% misery scale. I suppose that is progress! I started getting sick & throwing up today during a bit of a crying spell. It did create a wow this is not ok moment. I subsequently called a therapist. I suppose the potential for some relief is a step towards healing.
~ I hope we can all look back someday & feel Blessed & thankful that our relationships did end. It is sad that one person can have such control over many of our thoughts. I know that it is me that is imprisoning myself, not my husband. I hope all of you have a Peaceful night, sweet dreams & wake up to a day that is positive.