...so sad, Dina. I agree your case is pretty bad...but you seem like a level headed person and will do fine. No contact is the way to go if you want to heal your heart. If ex comes to do work in the house, you should have someone else there while you go shopping or just leave the premises....Don't make the sandwiches, ok?
Your oldest daughter fought him in court...so I would think she is ok (...got her self esteem back)...
Your youngest daughter is screwed ...but she decided to keep quiet for the sake of keeping her Dad out of jail...that's a mistake but I'm sure she has her reasons. Did you offer counselling for your daughters? Hope they get some help because it will affect their future relationship with boyfriends.
For yourself...why didn't you talk to your ex when your oldest daughter first brought it up?....it's just a shame...cause it may had spared your second daughter her ordeal...
oh well..I guess we cannot change the past..but stay there for your daughters. I stayed single for my kids...and have never regretted that decision.
Dee,
By the time my oldest daughter told it was already too late for my youngest daughter and when it he finally got arrested my youngest daughter would not tell. She didnt even tell me. I didnt find out til he had been out of jail for more then a year. My daughter wrote an assignment for school and gave it to me to read. There it told what had happened to her. I was shocked. I told my mom right away, who contacted the police (I couldnt get myself to do it). They tried to get her to talk but she refused so they said "no victim, no crime." Yes, she is getting counseling. She still wont talk about it. My oldest daughter is not married with a family of her own and is doing better. My oldest daughter fortunately didnt have to testify against him because he took a plea that gave him time served and lifetime sex offender probation. I promised my daughter that I would not remarry until she is grown. She has fear of having a man in the house and I dont blame her. I do want to get married someday but the next few years are going to be filled with my kids and finishing my education. Then the rest of my life can be for me. Thanks for the encouraging words
I agree with the other comments that it would be best if you were NOT at the house when he comes over to do his work. It's too easy for him to slip back into the "we" mode, which is definitely not what you want to hear.
Is there some other way he can contribute toward child support besides working in your house? I realize he can't get a job, but perhaps he can make some products that you can sell for cash on eBay? Or perhaps he can offer services on Craig's List and have the customer pay the money to you for his services? Just some thoughts.
Hang in there. Life after divorce gets much better once you get him completely out of your life so that you can move on and create a much better life for yourself.
