My spouse has had a porn addiction that's been like a punch in the throat. We been married 16 years and every time I think its behind us he is doing it again.He always is gonna change.He never admits his wrong to me I have to catch him. I'm tired of being hurt over his problem. If he truly tried it would be different. I feel so betrayed.What really causes me to want divorce and not keep trying is the fact he gets angry at me for his problem. He rips my heart out breaks my self esteem makes me feel im not his choice does it over and over saying it's different. Well this time is a time to many. I know they will never be change because he won't take accountability. We need to work with a expert . He is not willing to get rid of his access to internet. He knows I do not trust him. I go to bed and he still stays up on internet. I woke caught him jerking his pants up tonight and im crazy apparently. He aint doing nothing and I didn't see what I clearly did see. Im tired feeling not enough and hurt to core. Im scared of being alone and possibly facing a cancer diagnosis. I dont wanna be angry but I am. He is sorry but yet leaves our bed to sleep in another room after he hurt me and called me a liar. He has hurt my self esteem til I have none. He is sick in the head to hurt someone who adores him. I know I don't deserve this and it's not my problem. I don't feel I will be married much longer because I see he is selfish don't care how I feel and has told me. He wants me to believe he dont enjoy doing this but if that was case in 16 years he would got help and stopped. I know it's a addiction but people can stop addiction by getting help being accountable rebuilding relationships. U see I was hooked on drugs had me a addiction from depression years ago. I did lapse couple times but I was committed took responsibility I was hurting people I loved and ruining my own worth.I got help don't do it and yes I'm tempted it's still not easy but it's necessary. I'm so embarrassed hurt angry bitter self esteem is gone. Yet he is angry and tired of me. I have no support im humiliated cause how many times to even tell my family. He calls me names tells me I'm nothing and he wish he knew or he wouldn't have married me. Then next minute saying he dont want a divorce. Well I'm not asking im telling him. I'd rather live alone than with someone who makes me feel alone. Sorry just need some encouragement

I can relate I’m 60 and my husband of 30 years has decided he wants a poly life. He’s a sex addict has had affairs escourts men young women and now wants multiple partners. Constantly experimenting with fetishes on porn sites all the time. I drank away the pain until I became very ill. Problem is I still love him and probably would if he went to prison This marriage has completely screwed with my self esteem. I’ve isolated just coping day to day