I just found out on my anniversary night that my husband of 20 plus years have been cheating on me. We met as teenagers and supposedly never had any relationships or sexual encounters with anyone else. That was part of the bond I thought we shared.
I am devastated. I heard about his cheating through my teenage child who happen to snap a pic of his text conversation. And she called me while I was at work hysterical. I haven’t seen him at all since I learned about the cheating. I don’t know the detail of his cheating. We have had a sexless marriage for about 4 years - I thought because of the meds he was on and his heart problems. I guess he has been cheating this entire time. He texted me saying he sorry and he never cheated on me. Then I texted back and caught him in more lies. He is like a professional liar. Furthermore the person in the text is a man.
Do I really need to have a conversation with him and get more details about what happened? Is ever going to be truthful if I did confront him? Can I be healed and recover if I don’t address what happened? I am really good at shutting down and walking away never to be seen or heard from. That is how I deal with my hurt. I feel like I am dying inside but I could never forgive him or move pass this.
Your "closure" will have to come solely from you, I'm sorry to say. If you read the book "20 Years Gone: A Divorce Story" by amateur author Dorian Wright (available on Amazon and Google Books), you will see another example of another couple where the offending party never really did "come clean" on what they were doing, as unbelievable and surreal as their acts were. They tried every way possible to deny what was happening, even when the events were blatantly obvious to everyone else. Some people can simply never come back to being honest again after all of the wrongs that they have committed. That is what it sounds like you are living now in your experiences. It is at that time that you have to provide the closure for yourself, and realize that the person is unfortunately never going to come fully clean.
Maybe he was embarrassed if he has realized that he is gay, but if you are catching him in more lies as time progresses, it sounds like it's time to stop asking questions and succumb to what you know you are dealing with. Your gut and intuition (as was the case with Dorian in their book) will tell you what is really going on. You're a smart person and know this individual better than anyone, so, you'll know when they are lying and/or deceiving. I wish you the best on your path forward (and yes, there *is* one).