"Narcissists try and use either extreme flattery or more abuse to keep a victim from leaving," Thomas said. "The ultimate goal is to create an environment where the target of the abuse feels they don't have a choice in leaving because the relationship has suddenly become everything they wanted or they are too worn out and fearful to leave."
"Be very aware that all the good times you had with them that made you convinced of their potential were probably all a lie ... The problem is nobody is 100% bad, and a narcissist is great at pretending to be good."
Currently we are in the love bombing stage but I am making sure I keep my distance and not give him anything. And he waffles between being mostly nice and then making passive aggressive comments or trying to pick a stupid fight.
I realize I have no idea what a "normalized" relationship looks like.
The very same thing confuses me as well. My husband is so sweet sometimes and other times he is like a devil , so selfish and abusive that I end up crying.
I just don't understand which personality of his to believe in.
And these days even he is so nice that it's getting difficult for me to actually plan my exit properly.
He has been so abusive in past, I got sick for a month and all he could do was fight, abuse because I couldn't do house chores properly or couldn't cook good meal for him how he likes.
It was so heartbreaking to see this selfishness of his.
But when I think about long term , I sometimes get clarity that it can't work in long term. I will be the one who will be sad and unhappy. So I have to remind myself that I need to do this for myself.
Hope it helps, take care.