Hi Carli, only you can ultimately decide, but my personal opinion is that it sounds like you both are already separated without legally being separated. 4-years is a long time to not be intimate with your spouse. Love cannot be forced, and it sounds like you have tried to love him for years and just haven't been able to. He doesn't have to be a terrible guy for you to want to leave him. There are some horror stories out there about relationships, and I am glad to hear you don't have one of those! But that doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be happy and to have someone you're romantically connected with.
I would say, I think it comes down to your core values. Everyone's is different. Some people are OK with being in a marriage that is comfortable but doesn't really have love, some aren't. Ultimately I would voice what so many other people say on this forum and say do what's best for you. What do you want out of a marriage? What do you want out of a life partner, does he tick most if not all of those boxes? If you have been thinking about divorce every day, I think that's also a sign that you are ready to move on. It's easy to get stuck in what we know because it's comfortable. But often times it's leaping into the unknown that the best things can happen to us, even though it will be scary and lonely at times. Whatever you decide, I wish you happiness!
Hi, I’m wondering if, psychologically, your subconcience is relating the pain of childbirth, the ensuing tiredness, the hecticness of parenting, the financial strains this can bring etc to your husband ‘doing this’ to your relationship by you getting pregnant on your honeymoon???
Rather than rushing out the door of the marital home, think about carving some ‘couples time’ for just the two of you. Woo each other. Spent time getting to know who you are, rather than ‘parents’ who else are you?’ How’s your body image/physical health? Are you experiencing pain during intercourse and that’s a contributing factor maybe, to why you stopped? If so, book a gaenatology appointment. Is family pressuring you to have another child? If so, recognise the strain that can put on a relationship to ‘perform’ to produce a pregnancy.
Have you seen a relationship counsellor? Have you talked, alone, with your husband (with no kids around) to ask him how he’s feeling about the sexless ness of your marriage, and whether he’s thinking also that it’s time to quit the marriage, or try to work on it?