I've been married for 21 years and I can't remember why. My husband is recovering from a variety of addictions that have run throughout the course of our marriage. He has mental health issues (depression) and when he is depressed, he has awful rage. Yesterday I decided (again) to file for divorce.
This morning H and I were fighting...and our 16 year old dropped a bomb and screamed for us both to stop. He ranted and ranted about how we are no good together and feed off each other and he has had to deal with it for 16 years. Our son is right and it hurt my heart to see his pain...pain that I have caused. I've made excuses to stay in this marriage - God abhors divorce, it isn't that bad and there are good periods intertwined with the awful, I'm staying for the kids... but I'm out of excuses. Yesterday H took the day off yesterday to SLEEP. I have a huge work project due in a week and I've been working tirelessly day and night to get it done (12 to 14 hour days). I asked H to go to the grocery store, he did not. I asked H to cook dinner (we have Hello Fresh delivered and it needs to be good before it goes bad) and he picked up take out. He is currently upstairs sleeping...and I am planning to work all day today (Saturday).
I just needed to rant. I think I have isolated myself so much that H's behavior seems normal to me. That it's okay to be treated this way, because he's always sorry, blah, blah. I support him in everything, but I have no one supporting me. 21 years of no support. It's sad that I have wasted so many years thinking it would get better.