I think you definitely need a lawyer. You need to protect yourself, your children and your assets. I wouldn't expect to get a fair settlement otherwise.
Don't play his games, just because he wants to "only talk by phone" doesn't mean you have to "follow his rules!" You make the choices that are best for you and stick to them!
I'm also 56 and have been divorced for six years. It was hard at first, I was very angry, but it gets better.
I'm 55, will have to start the process soon. I will be trying a divorce financial analyst tomorrow, I'll let you know how that goes. I was told a little bit of divorce planning might be helpful.
Each situation is different, with that being said, anger, denial, acceptance. I am at acceptance and going to start the road, but its a long road. I'm grateful for finding this forum.
I've found walks and getting away from the household helps. It was difficult though with kids. Maybe the three of you could go walking or outings.
Hang in there, it will get less emotionally draining. Scared and grieving at times, but know I still have life in me and I'm going to go forward.