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The Gospel: Hockey Parents - "things not to do" list -
A few ‘Don’ts’ for new hockey players & parents.
Hockey parent motto: “If I can screw your kid, it will make mine better”.
--- THE RULES ---
Never get caught carrying your kids hockey bag. Never, ever, ever.
Don't carry the game jerseys on hangers. They are hockey players, not ballerinas.
Don’t put your kid’s game jerseys into a separate garment bag – it’s not a tuxedo.
Stick bags....are you kidding me?
No wearing skate guards into the rink past Mites.
No going in the locker room to tie skates after Squirts.
No wheelie bag past Peewee, help the kid grow a set.
Never let your kid skate with the extra laces tied around their ankles. Nothing says ‘bender’ like having the wrong laces.
Never let your son pull his socks over the back of his skates, for daughters it’s ok.
Socks go over the tongue of the skates - always. Unless you’re over 30 then you can go ‘old school.’
Never let the kid on the ice with two different socks. Foster a little respect for the game.
Don’t let the kid tuck their jersey into their pants. He’s not the next Gretzky, Bergeron or Ovechkin.
A bag and equipment that reeks is not OK – washing machine, dehumidifier and a fan…get them and use them.
Don't sit next to the parents of the worst kid on the team at the rink. Negativity is contagious and does nothing to help you or your kid.
Don't coach your kid on the car ride to the rink or on the car ride home.
Don't bang on the glass and yell.
Don't signal to get your kid's attention away from the coach's instructions in between periods.
Don't use a stop watch in the stands to time your kid’s shifts.
Don't ask stupid questions about the game or the rules when you're in the stands.
Don't blame the refs in front of your kid no matter how awful they were.
Don't buy all the "team" extras, like hockey bags, jackets, etc., because you may not be around more than a season. There are no guarantees
Stop with the cowbell for the love of god. Hockey now is an inside sport; it’s not the Olympic Bobsled.
Don't coach from the stands.
Don't buy your 10 year old kid a $250 stick
Town teams, when you go to a tournament try to have matching sweaters & socks...otherwise you look like a group of dusty benders....oh, never mind.
After a game the only time it is OK to speak to a ref is to hand him an extra puck you’ve found at the rink or you are going to tell him he “did a good job” refing the game.
Don't show your kid that "magic" helmet video, unless he's trying out for "Glee".
Don't put those personalized white stickers on the back window of your SUV. No one cares if your bender plays hockey, sister Suzie "cheers," or Siobhán is an Irish Step Dancer.
Don't believe politics end at the high school level. They get worse.
Don't believe your kid will be a pro or D1 player. He won't.
If your coach has a kid on your team, don't believe he's coaching for any other reason but HIS kid.
If your coach has a kid on your team accept the simple fact that his kid will play more minutes than any other player on the team regardless of ability. Know this day one, it will save you and the other parents any hard feelings.
Don't wear a "team" jacket unless you are the coach.
Don't try to discuss anything with a hockey-mom who has any clothing with her kids name on it.
Hockey numbers are 1 through 30, given the choice let’s keep it that way. No need to honor Grandpa’s 89 football number…really.
Never, EVER, question what the coach does. Never offer suggestions or ideas about ANYTHING. If you do, you and your kid will be blacklisted. You will need to find a new team for your kid no matter how good he is.
Don’t ever believe a team owner, manager or coach when they tell you your kid is “all set” for next season and is on the team until the contract is signed. They are liars, darn liars and hockey team owners / managers / coaches.
There is no loyalty in youth hockey. Team owners / managers / coaches burned that bridge a long time ago. They will cut a kid just because they can and there is no reason why players or parents shouldn’t respond by acting in a similar fashion. It’s all fair in love and youth hockey.
Parents, once you have done your homework and made your choice, hand him over and accept your role. You are a wallet, a taxi, a cheerleader, and a keeper of the gear.
My additions to the rules:
If you are going to move your kid, it's best to have him/her skating with the prospective club well ahead of tryouts. The better coaches know most, if not all, of their team well in advance of the annual revenue generator.
If you plan on moving, don't talk about with the current parents or coaches. It's both awkward and useless & nothing good comes from it.
Teach your kids to be responsible for their own gear, they shouldn't be relying on you to make sure they didn't forget anything by PeeWees.
And my #1 addition to the rules: Follow coaches, not clubs or leagues. Your child's coach is the person who will have the greatest impact on your child, both positive & negative. Choose wisely! (I wish I didn't learn this the hard way, my oldest sons Squirt years would have been much more enjoyable.)
"Follow coaches," and we're glad we stuck with Sgt. Hulka. Once the thick veneer wears through there is a heck of a hockey coach under there.
I understand why the coaches wear the team jacket to a game or practice but please do not wear them otherwise. Not ever!! If you were the 3rd assistant back in mites please do not wear the jacket while in the stands at your kid (s) games. You look like a tool and you deserve to get rolled in the parking lot.
Love going the a Bruins game or a Hockey East game and seeing the toolbag kiddie coaches wearing their team gear.
List has been around for years. Guy saved it and is just cutting and pasting. Have a sense of humor.
And if you didn't know a "rule" and "violate" it, do whatever you want, but the kids know the "rules" too and "violators" get a good amount of grief in the locker room.
So when your kid tells you he doesn't want his shirts in a Tuxedo Bag any more, listen to him.
Rule for moms:
If you want your kid to be on a Fed team, be prepared to do things for the coach that you have never done before, even for your husband.
I think it's not about what your kid will turn out to be rather it is there to save you the embarrassment. Hockey people are sticklers about this subject. It like showing-up to a YMCA men's beer league basketball game wearing Larry Bird hot pants. Don't do it.
You may want to check with the wife about that buddy. Very good chance he's not your kid.
Hey if you want to carry your kids bag occasionally do it.
If you want to help your kid with his skates do it.
Help and encourage your kid with homework and school.
Hug your kid.
Tell your kid you love him.
Teach him how to eat , exercise, and live healthy.
But, take him out for cheese burgers or pizza often with his friends.
If you do this, and your kid doesn't make it to the pros, d-1, or high school, at least you still have a great kid.