If he is not violent I would make a plan, stay a little longer until you can save some money or get a better job, slowly look into apartments that can be affordable that way it can be a slow transition. Once you have your own place tell him you have decided to leave and there is nothing that will hold you back. I am in that transition myself and will move to my own place in a week.

Thanks Maria.

Thx for your advice, sounds like a plan
I guess my fear is telling the kids.19/16 how this will affect them. This is the only reason I have stayed. Don't want to hurt them and distrupt their lives. But I will take I slow and hope I find something soon

I completely understand. It's so hard to impact the kids. My son is 13 he is the only reason I haven't asked for a divorce sooner.
We go thru a cycle about every 4 years where we almost get to the point but I won't draw the line because of our son and he would never leave on his own.
Something just got me this time. I feel like I can't do this another 20 years. I have to follow through this time.
I think the kids will struggle but are old enough to understand and will adjust just as we will.

I don’t have advice, but I can share with you my story ( I’ll keep it brief). Married for nearly 18 years, but the last 10 have been less than good. My STBX prefers his Rx marijuana, Xanax, Adderall, and muscle relaxers over alcohol - but mental health & drugs played a significant role in our marriage. I stayed far longer than I should because of our child and lack of financial resources. However, by us staying together, the family dynamic became more and more unhealthy for our son & me. His behaviors and attitudes during the 2 years of Covid & his utter lack of respect for me became so overwhelming. The final straw was during an argument over a phone number and misplaced physician report. During the argument he said that he was only staying with me because he had no where else to go. I said the same, and the argument continued. When he said he was going to pack a bag to stay overnight somewhere, I took a deep breath and told him to pack his things and not return. The adrenaline and rise in emotion in the moment gave me the courage in that moment to do what needed to be done. It wasn’t premeditated, it happened on a Thursday night when I had work the next day, lol. Not going to lie, I was scared, upset and at a total loss of what to do next. But I went to bed that night, and put one foot in front of the other the next day. I didn’t have any grand speech to tell our child, but when he asked when his dad was coming home, I kept it simple. I said that his dad and & I weren’t good partners for each other and that we would not be living together anymore. We both loved him very much, and the decision to live apart had nothing to do with him. He took the news pretty well, though the following year was hard for him. He had a few issues in school, but I was open with his teachers and they gave him a bit of grace. I have no miraculous happy ending like in tv, but I can empathize. Looking back I stayed longer than what was healthy, but I wasn’t emotionally ready to finally give words and action to the situation. He would never have left, he needed me to be the bad guy. Our son is now 11. He misses his dad, but has also asked when he can take over his office to turn it into a gaming room. We are both processing and I burn off nervous or anxious energy baking. A low dose of Lexapro also helps. Sending good vibes to you during this journey.

Fear keeps a lot of us in marriage. I was married for 29 years, partly because I was afraid of the unknown. What if I can't make it on my own? This was my thinking partially because they have you believing that you can't make it alone. Well, I finally broke the chain. I knew I was done but in order to be able to file for divorce I needed to know I would be ok. I started not buying as many groceries, cutting back on utilities and things, and saving money in cash. I did not put anything in the bank. This was my money to get me up and going. I check around on rent and how much deposits would be. I figured out how much I needed to get out and be on my own until the divorce was final. I prayed a lot about all of it. On the day I started looking for an apartment, one more or less just fell in my lap (all I can say is God came through). I told him I had an apartment and that I would be moving by a certain date. I had installed hidden cameras in the home before telling him. I jumped!!! After the first week, I knew I would never go back. Not to say it hasn't been hard at times, but I have never wanted him back. I'm in my late fifties and left more than I took, but material things are not important. I thank god for giving me the strength to leave. I hope you find your strength.

i'm glad you had the foresight to plan and the courage to make to change. i wish you well!

Hi ladies, I need to know from anyone how did you leave?? If you left how did you go about telling kids or packing etc...isn't this overwhelming. How do u start process.
I feel so lost.