I don't think you deserve to emotionally compromise yourself by spending any more time with your husband. A home is not defined by it's structure but the presence of love, security, safety and comfort of the family in it. I grew up in an alcoholic home. My mother tried to shield us from my Fathers temper and drinking yet we all knew and experienced it on a daily basis. I use to pray that my Mother would leave my dad. She finally left him when I was in 9th grade. I felt a sense of profound relief that I no longer had to live each day feeling scared. My siblings and I took on adult concerns as children, which have contributed to a basket of insecurities we all struggle with as adults. I don't know the extent of your kids relationship with their father. When you mention staying with him for the kids, I cant help but relate my own experience as a child. Living with an alcoholic parent can be very scarey and leave an imprint of emotional insecurity with your children. If their Father isn't emotionally present in their lives and consequently your home is not a source of security and comfort, then leaving your husband should be for you and the kids not staying with him. In regards to filing for divorce, the laws of each state vary. I live in PA. If a divorce is contested then their is a 2 year waiting period before the divorce can be enacted. I suggest you research the laws in your State and consult with an attorney. As for the $ help of your family, I would keep that on the D.L. from your husband. He is entitled to pay you alimony and child support if a separation was decided. I do hope you feel deserving of this. You are a strong, intelligent and kind woman that has so much to be proud of, especially for the person that you are.