Jesse you are amazing. What a wonderful accomplishment to have 3 children. How lucky you are. Please promise you will go to your nearest church or call to speak with a pastor if you can't make it they will talk to you over the phone. My church has a pastor on call at all times. Google Saddleback church and they have an 800 number for him. He has helped me through times of helplessness and showed me the strength in every situation. He may also be able to direct you to a womans bible group in your area. My church told me about another web site : google: girlfriendsandgod this may also be very uplifting. As hard as it is we are the ones who have to make the first steps. Help is waiting. Anytime I am in dispair I write on this site and someone always reaches out with good advise. Good thoughts for you today