The divorce is not final. He is using the house as leverage to keep the kids. It is the only home they know right now. Since courts like to keep the status quo, I'm not in a good position for custody.
The home across the way seems like a good way to "get my foot in the door" regarding custody. Friends have expressed concern because if he was desperate enough to claim domestic violence, he may do worse if I'm nearby . . .

If you could rent the house across the street then maybe, but the domestic violence claims would also have me concenred. I would never assume he has the leverage becasue he has the house, the childrens cusotdy will most likely be 50/50 if you are both normal and have equally capable attorneys.