I am so glad my Daddy insisted us girls learn to use a gun before he would let us home alone. I do own a gun. I have it where only I can get to it, and it is never loaded. Only I know where the bullets are.
But as my Daddy told me " Point a gun at a man's junk and he doesn't care if it's loaded or not. His pause gives you time to get it loaded"
My ex has anger issues and I will not just sit back and be his victim.
A judge just told me in Aug. that I am "dragging up old issues" because I asked that he be forced to go to therapy. I was so mad, I flat out told her that she could be HIS character witness when I was dead.

Thank you all for your replies. And Lisa H, I especially appreciate what you shared. I admire your strength. I don't want to believe in my heart that my husband could do something like that, but I know in my head that it's a possibility. So is his committing suicide. But I have to use my head to get through this and not my heart.... I agree I have to stay prepared for anything and stop feeling responsible for his behavior.

I'm glad that my story helps. I never dreamed I would have to go through some of the things I have gone through.
You are strong too. You just might not see it yet. It's not weak to deal with what they put us through day in and day out. Weakness is giving up, surviving is strong.

yes, while you may think that you know your husband, there is always something lingering in the closet. i would ask that you be very careful, not to startle you but i just lost a dear friend to murder suicide her situation was very similar to yours.