I think you have hit the nail on the head with the control. I think thats where I arrived. I couldnt cope with the control anymore. I remember telling him 'the one thing you cant control are my thoughts'. thats all I felt I had left of myself.
I also remember swearing at him inside my head. Childish, but it helped me when he was carrying on.
Man, how do we get to these places in our lives. At least we have stood up to be counted even though its an incredibly painful event.
my ex keeps telling me i am the stronger of us both. Its weird hearing him say it knowing he actually believes it. Maybe it is true. In the end maybe we all are, changing things takes strength and courage. Theres an awful lot of that here isnt there, even though we feel like dying inside at times.
Yes we are stronger. Not cause we wanted to be but because we had to be for the sake of our kids and ourselves (our emotional well being was at stake).
I believe there are many women out there who deal with this and stay in the marriage. I remember my mother in law saying to me that he doesnt go out to bars or cheat and he works hard, you should be thankful to have him. well she failed to mention how he worked so many hours, was never home, when he was home he drank himself until he passed out, paid no attention to me or the kids except to yell at us, not to mention embarrassing all of us with his drunkeness and then cheating(in which she also blamed me for). I have always been a strong person, but years of doing everything to appease him weakened me until i couldnt take it anymore. The strong person inside of me said enough is enough. I rely on that part of myself to carry on with my life now.