Why is the divorce happening? How did he ruin his life and marriage? If you can give a few more details maybe one of us will have gone through a similar situation and be able to offer more support for you. Just speaking generally, whenever I feel sorry for my stbx, I remind myself he made CHOICES. Just like we all do. He made bad choices, he could have had an enviable life. But he prefers to act like he does and has lost me and our kids. I know I gave him every chance to turn around so I don't let myself feel sorry for someone who doesn't deserve it, even if he is pitiful!