Yup, the jelousy is a killer. Cant explain it. I could have him back and havent, but the jealousy has made me insane and run my entire waking day. I know in general their relationship is very bad, she is insecure about me (with very good reason) and he treats her in ways he wouldnt have dared treat me. Even so, I cant bare it at times.
I want him to be alone while I live my life. Crazy beyond words, totaly irrational, Im human, these are my feelings and im just hoping they go away one day. Im not proud of these feelings they just are what they are.

Im thinking this just has to be part of the process because when we were together I remember thinking if he ran off with someone, Id feel sorry for her, lols.
I think in my selfish way Im glad he is with her rather than with someone else because she is a liability and the relationship is crap. I have a perverse satisfaction knowing this.
We all have our dark side.

You know exactly how I feel, Abbey!

After years of his unhappiness being married to me, I also used to think "Just go find this perfect woman that I am apparently not - and good riddance!", and now I lose sleep worrying that he will do just that. The more this drags on, the more I am convinced that my many years as a long-suffering, faithful wife has set these feelings of jealousy and betrayal into motion. A biological reaction. My therapist says that when one has given everything she possibly can to a marriage, this is the natural reaction. Also explains why he is able to move on -- he didn't give everything he had, and thinks things failed just because he chose the wrong partner. Oh yeah, and on top of it, he says he still loves me. And I wonder why I am confused?!

This is such a roller coaster, and I never know what emotion is around the corner. Since these ugly feelings seemed to come out of nowhere, maybe I'll soon be surprised by a feeling of peace and acceptance. I hope the same for you!

Just remember ladies...these men are not the new and improved men on the market....They are the same old men that loved us just the same way many years ago...They have not changed. Sure, things are new and different, but in time... things will wain back to a routine lifestyle. He will age, she will age, there is no fairytale ending for anyone...especially cheaters....oh, they will get what they want by cheating, but they will not always want what they get. They will even talk themselves into believing what they did was worth it all...but do you really think building a relationship on lies, secrets and
treating your own wife cruelly etc....is every girls dream man. It's not the type of relationship I would want. It is natural to get jealous at times, but soon you will be over them and to busy with your own life to even care if he is still with her or not. I know what my ex is like. I knew him for over 20 years and I know even more about him now through this divorce and it wasn't pretty by no means and this girl will be okay with him as long as he is getting what he wants form her and I'm sure he will be okay with her as long as she is getting what she wants...But either way, for me, I want nothing these people have...like I always say, you can cover garbage with all the glitter you want and it still stinks underneath where it counts....Let them go and live again....you all deserve it.

Susan

Amen! Reading all the posts on this topic remind me of what I know is true. So many things resonated with me. I know that spending the time getting to know and love myself is far more valuable and peaceful than the drama and highs and lows of jumping right back in to find the next one. If I have love again, it will not be based on an illusion.

Good luck to everyone -- I hope we all have more and more good days than bad

My husband of 7 yrs and I have just signed the divorce docs. He left me 2 mos after we had our 1st child. For 2 mos he was gone and then he came back home and said that he wanted to try to save our marriage. Because I hadn't yet stopped loving him and bc we now have a child, I wanted to give him a chance. Also, I chose to believe that he only left bc he was suffering from depression (he had a history of it) I took in back and everyday was a struggle bc he would flip flop from wanting to be there and wanting to leave. I sat with him for hrs each nite and listened to him talk about his feelings and everyday he told me he felt better and that we would make it. Then 1 month after he had been home, the only nite that I had left the house for a few drinks w some friends, I came home and he told me he was leaving me again! I have sinced learned that he had been having an affair with his 23 yr employee and he was already living it her!!!! It drives me crazy that I gave so much and worked so hard to make him successful, and that little girl will reap all the rewards. The worst is that the girl he is with now, has also known me for yrs! She came to my baby shower and has even come to my home to visit my baby!