I tend to agree with Wendy on this.
I have two boys 6 and 9.
My 6 year old walks around this world without a care in the world. He adjusted very well to visitation, he didn't quite like the idea of sleeping over but he adjusted.
My 9 year old is different. He takes everything in. His father uses him to hurt me, he talks bad about me, he tells my son I don't love him. You name it he has used it to hurt my son, yet he loves him?
My ex had emotional problem when we split. I do not know if he is okay mentally or not. He acts normal on the outside but there is a monster inside that is just waiting to resurface.
I do not suggest you just stop visitation. Get your son to a counselor, have a counselor talk to him for a few weeks.
While peeing the bed is also a sign on abuse it is also normal when the child is upset about ANYTHING. Remember this is a very big adjustment for a 4 year old. My 9 year old sometimes have accidents after he comes home, I have learned not to make a big deal out of it. My boys have their own bathroom in their room and my son will pee his pants instead of using it, when he is being defiant.
Your son is going to push your buttons, buttons you did not know you had.
I know since I left my husband and I WANTED TO LEAVE, I have been a emotional mess. You get angry, worried and cry over nothing...remember that is how he feels too but doesn't know how to express it yet.
Get counseling, if there is no orders for custody focus on that, you don't need the divorce to be final to have custody/visitation orders. Like Wendy said if you start playing that game you will lose. NEVR use your child as a pond in the divorce.
I HATE watching my boys get into my ex's truck every other weekend...but I have no choice.
Hi
This is what I am worried about too if my husband and I split (which I want to).
I know he loves our children but I have always done the parenting and he is gets stressed with them so easy and doesnt give them boundaries. They are so good for me and after a day spent with him....haywire.
I hear it never gets any better either..UGH!
My sister in law was divorce for 5 years when she met my brother, she has a 8 year old and let me teel you when she come back for a month at her Dad's house she is a b*tch. But when she is here she is sweet as honey. Amazing how they change. But then her Dad does teh same thing my ex does, plays her emotions when she is there, giving in to her every want...that's the only whay they know to parent I guess. Give them what they want and you don't have to deal with them for another week (or 6 months in her case)