Lisa, I'm sorry that you feel stuck. Reading the first half of your post was like reading a chapter in my own book of life. My ex is such a baby. If he didn't get sex when he wanted it he would say the exact same thing...only he actually went out and did it. I did every thing for my ex. Cleaned the house, cooked, took care of the bills the kids the animals...everything. He told me he loved me and I would say it back, out of habit and because I was trying to hide my distaste (if you will) of him from the kids. He had a temper and we often got into BIG fights, broken chairs,holes in doors and walls kind of fights. He never laid a hand on me or the kids but his temper was a HUGE issue. I used to feel trapped too because I didn't work and had no way of supporting myself with two little kids. It's hard to take the step to leave. My ex didn't listen to me when I told him how I felt either....
Be strong enough to show your children that love is not a one way street. Love them like there is no tomorrow and they will know that you tried your best.
"Life is a journey best held hand in hand with those you love" That is how I view my journey of parenting. I am no longer wasting time loving a man who is "emotionally handicapped"
JLVR, I'm not sure if I agree on you on the part of putting our spouses first. I think that we need to focus on our own lives before we can put someone else in front. How can God expect us to make every one else in our lives more important? Personally I did that for YEARS and it destroyed my faith. And when your sex life with your husband is more like a "moneys on the bed stand" relationship then why should he be first? I lost a part of who I was because I put my ex first. The only other people we are responsible for in the eyes of God are our children. We as their parent are responsible for teaching the right form wrong, teaching them the word of God and guiding them to the right path. And once they reach a certain age we are no long responsible for their choices. That doesn't mean we are to stop praying for them or loving them. I am not responsible for my ex's soul. Yes I am to show him God's love but not at the price of my own soul. I prayed every day for the strength to show my ex love, the strength to love him as a wife loves her husband. I forgave him when he cheated, I forgave him when he lied and I forgave him when he treated me like a worthless piece of trash when I was bed rest for weeks after surgery. BUT when he (my ex) refused to change his behavior the "forget" part of forgive and forget was really hard. I prayed for the peace of mind from his actions and never got it. Tell my mind and heart to forget when he is out at 4am and you only thoughts are "Is he sleeping with her again?" "What lie will he tell me this time?" My heart became cold. In the Bible it warns us about hardening of the heart. If your heart is cold then there is no way of entering the gates of heaven. Only now that I have saved myself from anger am I free to try to receive forgiveness from God for my actions. I can not and will not go to hell because of the hatred in my heart towards my ex for hurting me so many time. Healing takes time and honestly I no longer hate my ex...everyday anyhow, but I continue to pray for the strength to love myself enough to make it through the day. I continue to pray for the strength to love my children enough not to show then hatred for their father even when if rears it's ugly head.

My stbx "moved out of our bedroom years before he moved out of our home. As far as I'm concerned he left me emotionally when he left our bedroom. There is no lonelier feeling in the world. As for intimacy-that disappeared a couple of years before that. There may have been occasional sex, but that's all it was...sex. I'm sorry to hear you are going through such tough times. Are you able to get counseling?

I know you feel "stuck" but you aren't; when you are living in limbo, that is the worst place to be. There are many resources; call a women's shelter, get an appointment with an attorney (1st visit is usually free) to see where you stand. There are LAWS, he cannot NOT support the children. I stayed for 31 years and I know how scary it all is. Abusers RARELY change; they are excruciatingly INsecure and will do anything to hang on to you. They usually dislike or HATE themselves and take it out on YOU. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with HIS issues. Do what you need to for yourself and your children; children aren't blind and deaf; even tho you think you are hiding it, they sense what is going on; get into counseling with you and the children. There is a lot of help out there, and I hope you will get it. As I said, I stayed for 31 years ; verbal abuse and some physical, The book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. Feel free to e-mail me: wacalice@aol.com....I am a moderator of an abused survivors group.