Ashyah, I think that's where one can get caught up with abusers, is the need to figure them out.
They say there is no closure in an abusive situation. I think I found the closure, of course not With ex in my life as he runs, quits, cheats, lies, very abusive.
For me, I feel that things have to make sense in relation to God, to Heaven. It is the only way that I feel @ peace. So, if you can think of God, Heaven, place yourself in your head with Jesus as your Best Friend, picture yourself in Heaven (that's the goal),
then try to find that linear place in your heart in this connect. If you see the ex there in your head & are at peace, great, whatever that is or isn't..
if you don't, picture the gap closing around you, you are safe & heaven bound, peaceful. NOONE else can harm you or hurt you. All you feel is LOVE, God's Love, other's LOVE.
Friends are great.. where we can share our experiences in dating/ marriage/divorce. It gets complicated when dating & divorce. Some can do it/ want to, other's don't or can't.
Be true to God, to yourself to your spirit, THE HOLY SPIRIT. Let the love flow from you to others.. whatever that is.. however it works in ways that are pleasing to HIM.
Letting go that the ex can work out his salvation with God (with fear & trembling as the bible says), may be the ONLY thing we KNOW sometimes when a marriage ends that we wanted. Perhaps we were ready willing & able to walk through all the difficulties & get to the other side & we even envisioned it.
But they don't/can't/wont. They are determined to play, to test God, themselves, they are spiritually immature.
Or that we don't, "get," what happened in our marriage, with this person.. we can't make any sense of it/ in connection with, our lives, God, Heaven, etc. Then to try to release it all to God, to God's Love, as God Is All Encompassing. He Is Love. GOD IS LIGHT & LOVE. To release it/ the pain, ourselves, all to HIM, for healing & fixing.
I think too, it's doing what we love doing, our hobbies, making new friends, loving our family, those that are in our path on this earth that stay, stick around, love us back. It may not be perfect, maybe not what we envisioned as to our desires thereof, that ideal, BUT it is what is.
The woulda shoulda coulda, is a guilt trip in ourselves I think. Not really productive.
If God Is Love & Love Is Light & we are transformed into HIS IMAGE, one with another, then releasing that guilt, that confusion to HIM, to God's Love, to burn out the darkness, that only Light & Love remain & embrace what is in our path that is true & right & pleasing to GOD.
There may be bumps in the road, uncomfortable times, things that don't make a lot of sense, forks in the road, but woulda shoulda coulda doesn't fit too well, but living NOW, to God's LIGHT, that it SHINE from our hearts, that we let in NO confusion, but walk in HIS PURE WAYS...
In ways I cannot believe what is happening, what coulda been but I tell myself too, oh well, it IS.
& I am @ peace & connected with God, & at each juncture there are choices to make & some of this is also my testing with God, healing, the path to HIS LIGHT. I have to feel good about each choice.
EX didn't want to take the journey with me ongoing.
oh well WHATEVER.. I did get to that point.
He's on another path. I'm DONE begging, finished with allowing him into my journey that he want to upset my life by coming & going.
The closure then, to me, is that safe feeling, that love, linear from us toward Heaven, with GOD, that noone can mess this up, our salvation, our love with others & HIM. NOONE. Not the confusion, the ex, the kids, relatives, friends, NOONE. Our choices we as adults can make & then do what is right in HIS EYES, that we feel love, HIS LOVE, other's LOVE.
PERIOD.
that LOVE is eternal... LOVE.
HEAVEN. the rest just does NOT matter.
That's my opinion..
It may seem overwhelming at times but HEAVEN is our true home. there will always be struggles here.
wrapping ourselves in HIS LOVE & LIGHT till we get to our true home..
(can't wait).