Lisa, I plan to file early next year, trying to take advice of others and get everything in order first so I know what I am doing! He is in my house. Well, sleeps in my basement. Doesn't speak to any of us. Most days we don't even see him, but sometimes he'll walk by to get to the basement, not even a word to his children. He refuses to leave. And there is NO WAY I am leaving my house and moving my kids! Not happening! WE live here. WE are a family. HE is an occasional visitor who sleeps in the basement. Sometimes he takes frozen food from our freezer (that I get for the kids as after school snacks when they want) but other than that we don't even share the same food (except when he makes coffee..and NEVER cleans the coffee pot...he'll leave it until the grounds grow mold if I don't clean it, he does it to bug me I know). But anyway...it is hard. I feel sick in my stomach. I wish he would just go away. I want to see if there's a way I can legally force him out. It is extremely stressful for me and my kids. We put on our brave faces and joke with each other and we are so close and good but inside I am dying and I cannot believe my kids are as OK with it as they tell me they are! I don't push the issue but I do remind them his behavior has nothing to do with them, that he has problems, normal people don't treat others like they don't exist! He came in the other day while we were eating, did something then left, and of course the tension is felt so I say, oh, did a robber just walk in or was that your dad? My daughter said she thinks it was a robber and of course we laugh and it broke the tension a bit but it is horrible to be ignored. To withdraw love and attention is the cruelest punishment. You always hear 'negative attention is better than no attention' right? My kids used to act up when he came around, now we all sort of tense up a bit but no one fights or anything, we joke and carry on. He has become the joke. But I hate it hate it a million times over. I wish I could make him leave us alone once and for all so we can be relaxed and happy together like we usually are when he's not around. I wish he'd be violent with me, at least then I could get him out and get help. But when 'all he does' is ignore you, well, no one cares and inside the heart slowly dies.

Strong Spirit : You are so right.. most of the things that your soon to be ex does i just to get to you. Mine is the same way. He will talk about anyting but the problems he will even have a conversation wth me like nothing had even taken place. I have to do the same that you are doing and that is just make a joke out of it. I guess our marriage was over a long time ago when I stopped sleeping in the same bed with him but I had never noticed or at least wanted to notice. The other day my older son said: I don't like my little brother that much because he is in mature he is 10 yrs old and acts like he is 8 mom ! I tell him well daddy is in mature but I deal with it ! He replies yeah well I can't he makes me crazy he needs to grow up. Then this morning my 10 yr old says, I don't see why you two got married you have nothing in common and mom is always right and you can never agree on anything. Husband was sitting right there... Those statements told me that the kids get it so when we do tell them the news , fingers crossed they will be fine with it. I want to add that you are very strong to do what you do, I hate it that he he here and has a right to be here, I hate it that he touches the things that I clean and makes a mess thinking I will clean it up because I like things clean and neat, hell I will leave it there until it grows I am not his maid anymore. It is sad that your soon to be ex does not talk to the kids, sounds like to me that he is playing a game with you and waiting for you to respond . You are doing the right thing with your kids and trying to keep it all together. Good for you and stay strong because he will do a lot of little things to get a reaction from you..