A marriage will never be successful if you are not able to forgive, forget, and accept and love your partner even with all of their faults. You are NOT stupid for loving him and putting everything you have into your marriage and honoring your wedding vows. You will stop crying, but it will take time. Prayers and hugs.

My husband left me yesterday after being together 18 years. I knew it was coming and didn't do anything different to try and work it out as I was asked by him, but how do I change who I am, and is it right for me to change for someone who told me they contemplated leaving me a few years ago? This you could say was my contribution to the failure of our marriage.

My husband threatened that if I do not give him a divorce, pay for it, pay off a car, he will come after me for spousal support, isn't that blackmai? I never got a goodbye when he moved out...only texts saying, you'll be ok, you're a strong person, take care of yourself, your horrible at relationships, find someone else who wants a life like you (I have been the bread winner taking care of him for years, working hard, commutting long distance to provide a good life for us).

All the while I am asking what did I do wrong? How can I fix this (type A personality flaw), What can I do to get him back? I'm an emotional wreck, I have been crying for days, curled up in his closet until I hyperventilate and wish he would come back. Every footstep I hear is me wishing he is walking back through the door. Why am I doing this to myself?

Thank god my family has come to my aid and literally picked me up from the aftermath of the hell this person has caused me. I meet with a therapist tomorrow for the first time to help me get through this horrible situation I was forced into however this is for me, taking steps to know I will be ok and I must stay strong and not beg for him to come back and want to leave me again in another few years.

I must do what is best for me now and I will overcome these challanges. It may take a year or two before my self esteem was where it was a few months ago, but knowing he will not take that from me will be the best feeling when I get there.

I hear you! I too have been the bread winner for many years. And he hold against me. I never wanted kids and he did. so, I had them for him. Now, he says: Y didn't you lied to me and took the pill so we never had them.
I do fall asleeep in his clothes left behind in the floor of his closet after crying for hours. The difference is you girls are so strong and moved on. I pray he will really call me and ask me to move with him. My heart is in so much pain. I understand when you say every foot step is a hope. I do the same.
I am sorry you have to go through this. I wish you the best of luck. I wish you hapiness. I am glad you have family. Mine is all in europe. And now leaving in america since 1984...I am not sure I can move back. My 3 kids don't wanna go anyways. They say its all my fault. I should never marry a man from a different culture. My own kids. I sometimes believe its all my fault. Maybe I should have change and be less me. I love him and would love to have him walk in right now.
Big Hug to you from a friend.

I am so glad you will be seeing a therapist. They really can help you working through the emotions you have. You will be OK. I won't lie to you...it is a long and difficult road. You are so blessed to have a family that is behind you. Let us know how you're doing after your session. Hugs.

Lisa, as you can see, you are not alone. We have all married selfish men who turned out to be users and not givers. I have been divorced for a while, but my ex had no real feelings as well. While he walked out on the boys and myself and left his father here so he could be free to do what he wanted...he was out with his girlfriend, buying her gifts, taking her on trips and just having a grand old time. This girl he was dating was shoved right at us even before I knew she existed, once I did, he felt free to carry on anywhere and anytime. He has built himself a new home and lives with her now as if they were married, maybe they are??? They both cheated and left their marriages. This girl was only 25 and had no children. It's a long story and a hurtful one, but No, these men do not change...they only treat you well when they are getting what they want from you. Liars, cheaters and users only have feelings for themselves or use these feeling on others when they want something. You deserve better and we all know it.

Susan