It's so hard to take the emotion out of anything that has to do with my children. They are why I breathe, they are why I smile and they are why I cry. How can I not be emotional? I do understand what you are saying, though. When we do have phone contact, which is very little, I record them. I keep all emotion out..seriously I sound like a heartless b*tch. I guess when there is no emotion thats all that is left. He has no emotions. The way he is treating all of us, me and my kids shows that.
I did talk to my attorney today and she is going to read my letter and make sure it is okay before she sends it out as certified mail, to his attorney. We are trying to go about this as legal as possible. If you would see the ocean of paper work I have because of him you would die. I could wallpaper the White House. I have at least 6 letters sent to him by my attorney about his constant talking about me in front of the kids. I document everything I do with my attorney. Lol when i call I give my name and the AKA "the pain in the ass" She just laughs. Letter after letter all documented by the courts and he still doesn't follow orders. UGH I guess I was hoping a little emotion and a little humanity would work this time...but alas you are most likely right, he will take it the wrong way...Oh and I will check out that site asap, thank you

Lisa, hugs..
I guess I didn't read/ see where you were sending to attorney to proof. good for you!
OH MY GOSH gal, I hear you.. me too / I think it is so normal what you are feeling/ but was thinking of on his end.. how he probably twists it to you being emotional (which IS normal).
I don't have children with ex so cannot directly relate to what you are going through. I did see how the ex was with his ex before me & their kids.
I know a lot of the immature men relate to their children as a friend/ meaning confide in them & put on them what they should not instead of dealing with them as to them being the focus. They don't get that part. Ex would come back strongly into his kids life when he needed them then back way off when he didn't.
many games. It's what they do..
I bet you are frustrated & beyond belief.
Take care!

You have no idea how frustrated I am...heck I don't even know how to put it into words. I thought that by leaving him I was free for his heartless betrayal. Free of his crap, his using and his childishness. Boy was I wrong!!!! There isn't a day goes by I do not think about how this is effecting my kids. My son is starting the " I hate living here" " You don't love me" I wish I was dead, then you would see" attitude. Over the silliest things. I have set rules for my house. Have had them in place since birth. No yelling or hitting, no sass mouthing, no food or drink after 7pm, you make the mess you clean it, no TV on while in bed...these are rules i have had in place since my son was old enough to understand what I was saying. well now if my son doesn't get his own way one of those phases come flying out of his mouth. I had to laugh tonight, in a dry kind of way, my son had his weekly call to his Dad ( my youngest refuses to talk) we were all laughing having a good time and then suddenly after the call my son starts to be super ugly towards me, his brother, the dog and cat (really?! lol) Yelling at me, as if that was going to fly, HA. I demand respect from my kids, if for no other reason but I am their Mother. I send him to his room and he is crying like a baby. Kicking the floor hitting the wall....I just don't know what to do anymore and his Dad is not helping me at all...UGH there are days I want to pack them up and drive them to my ex's house and say "Take them, you want them take them." I bet he packs them back up and drops them off at my house in less than a month..last time he took them he had them for 11 days and called me to come get them, it was to much for him. Why is he fighting me so hard? I'm telling you if I don't go into remission with my Crohn's I will be amazed. My stress level is at danger levels right now.

Lisa,

I've had a lot of outbursts from my 11 year old son as well. He has been seeing a counselor and is diagnosed with depression/anxiety. He was having trouble before my stbx left, and that sent him right over the edge. It takes about a week and a half after a weekend visit to get him somewhat "normal" again-just in time for another weekend visit. IT SUCKS!

I have issues with my 16-year-old son crying (literally). He is fine, then if I need the computer...yikes. All of a sudden I am punishing him because of his dad (??? I NEED the computer for work, he is playing games on it!) He oversleeps 3 days in a row (I am pretty lenient, let him stay up as late as he wants AS LONG as he gets up for school) so then I say off to bed at 9pm and again, I am mad at his dad and taking it out on him (???) It makes me feel he will be like his dad, not being accountable for his own actions. I tell him point blank the reason why he can't use computer/has to go to bed, but I will NOT justify myself over and over to my child! As you say, we lay down the rules, they follow. I do not have crazy, unreasonable rules. They are for THEIR sakes. My daughter is good, she does not like me to be upset, she is a good girl. I don't like her to be upset either, we work together. She is wise beyond her years, she's my little sweetie. I feel bad she has to hear all of this crap. But he's a teenager and they act like this but that doesn't make it OK or acceptable. Sometimes...and yes, I post this under the protection of anonymity...I want my stbx to leave and take my son with him. Just me and my daughter? Heaven. Don't get me wrong, I love my son to death, I think he is amazing and I want only the best for him, but sometimes I think you want no rules? You want to do what you want when you want? Go ahead. Go live with your dad. Let your grades fall. No one will make your school lunch. No one will make your dinner (no one will be home, maybe he can eat pizza every night). No one will get you to your activities. No one will make sure you get on the bus. No one will care. No one will listen when you talk. No one will look at the projects you are proud of. No one will guide you. You think that's better? Enjoy. Yeah, I'll be bald soon from pulling my hair out! He's been getting better but taken a downturn again. Sigh. I guess the reality of the divorce is hitting home. I know it's hard. But there's only so much we can do as parents. We can't hold a marriage together alone, so when it falls we all fall, but when it comes down to it, we'll be there to pick each other up. That's what love is.

Lisa, have you seen this page on this website?
I googled to see if there is any way to keep records of this sort of thing. This is an interesting webpage!

http://www.womansdivorce.com/parenting-custody-calendar.html

Lisa,

breathe. We know why it happens, we know when it may happen and we think of every thing to try and avoid it happening. Sounds like your boy is venting and who else can they vent with than the parent they KNOW they can rely on and be forgiven. The parent they know isnt going anywhere. Children take it out safely, on those they know can take what they dish. It doesnt help Lisa but he can take his frustration out with you because he is safe in the knowledge that your love is unconditional, you are his emotional safety net. Just keep those boundaries in place, you know how you parent is right, you are in charge, you know whats best. They know that too. Which is why 'dad' doesnt get the deal you do. As frustrating as it is for you it is aknowledgement that you are trusted by your children, their rock and their constant.
Might not help you feel better but its my two pennies worth.
Like us, we only vent where we feel safe to do so knowing we will be loved when the vent is over.

Kids, you gotta love em!!

Your two cents is always welcome Abbey. I just get to the end of my rope and end up crying myself to sleep sometimes. I love my children more than life its self. It's hard being a parent, let alone a parent that is going through divorce...My heart aches for my boys, I feel like I have turn their lives upside down..but we will make it through, we have to...

Lisa, I look at my own boy and feel the weight of my decisions bearing down. I know exactly what you mean. It IS hard, often harder for us because our children are our all.

They are powerless in the decisions of the adults around them. Thats why we grieve for their loss, their pain and their lack of control in their own lives as well as our own. Our burden will always be tenfold. But that is why we are stronger for them, that is why WE dust ourselves off and begin a new day. They are our reason for trying to calm the storm. Our love for them helps us to cope with their off the wall behaviour when they are struggling.

Girl, there are times when we think we cant take anymore but you know what, we get up again and take the next knock...for them. For them we are unable to give up.
And its never one sided, we do this for them because they give is something worth more, they give us the reason to live, to fight, to stand again.
Just like we have a bad day, they can be forgiven for theirs. As we love them more than life, who truly truly loves us unconditionally? Our kids do!
Ive behaved badly at times, my son behaves badly at times, we forgive each other. I forgive myself for wanting to strangle him at times LOLS. We are all human.
Be kind to yourself. You are human too.

That is so hard to do Abbey. I sometimes feel like there is no room for mistake. I have had my share of "bad mommy" days..yelling at them for no reason, sending them to their room because they know what buttons to push to tick me off....they don't last long. I get mad and then I tell them I'm sorry. I asked my son one day if I was an angry mom..he told me "no Mommy sometimes you yell but usually you do because me and ____are acting up" He is my honest one. He is not afraid to tell me if I am being unfair, even if it is only because he is not getting what he wants...I understand my boy, he is angry confused and hurt by all of this. Yet he loves me. When he smiles and his beautiful blue eyes sparkle with love it melts my heart. My baby well he is just a bullheaded little cuss. His beautiful hazel eyes get HUGE and sparkle when he is being his little "Dr. Evil" self. I LOVE it. Yes I do the whole Mini-me act with him. we are always taking over the world...lol. I do love my little men, they crack me up. Sometimes they crack my nerves but at the end of the day, even the ones I wished I would have slept through, I know that I will find the strength to do it all over again. For no other reason but I love them. I just want to be perfect for them, but even perfect has cracks