Lisa, I look at my own boy and feel the weight of my decisions bearing down. I know exactly what you mean. It IS hard, often harder for us because our children are our all.

They are powerless in the decisions of the adults around them. Thats why we grieve for their loss, their pain and their lack of control in their own lives as well as our own. Our burden will always be tenfold. But that is why we are stronger for them, that is why WE dust ourselves off and begin a new day. They are our reason for trying to calm the storm. Our love for them helps us to cope with their off the wall behaviour when they are struggling.

Girl, there are times when we think we cant take anymore but you know what, we get up again and take the next knock...for them. For them we are unable to give up.
And its never one sided, we do this for them because they give is something worth more, they give us the reason to live, to fight, to stand again.
Just like we have a bad day, they can be forgiven for theirs. As we love them more than life, who truly truly loves us unconditionally? Our kids do!
Ive behaved badly at times, my son behaves badly at times, we forgive each other. I forgive myself for wanting to strangle him at times LOLS. We are all human.
Be kind to yourself. You are human too.

That is so hard to do Abbey. I sometimes feel like there is no room for mistake. I have had my share of "bad mommy" days..yelling at them for no reason, sending them to their room because they know what buttons to push to tick me off....they don't last long. I get mad and then I tell them I'm sorry. I asked my son one day if I was an angry mom..he told me "no Mommy sometimes you yell but usually you do because me and ____are acting up" He is my honest one. He is not afraid to tell me if I am being unfair, even if it is only because he is not getting what he wants...I understand my boy, he is angry confused and hurt by all of this. Yet he loves me. When he smiles and his beautiful blue eyes sparkle with love it melts my heart. My baby well he is just a bullheaded little cuss. His beautiful hazel eyes get HUGE and sparkle when he is being his little "Dr. Evil" self. I LOVE it. Yes I do the whole Mini-me act with him. we are always taking over the world...lol. I do love my little men, they crack me up. Sometimes they crack my nerves but at the end of the day, even the ones I wished I would have slept through, I know that I will find the strength to do it all over again. For no other reason but I love them. I just want to be perfect for them, but even perfect has cracks