Hey, ReneeM, you are not alone. This chat room has been very helpful for me. There are many women here that have lived with someone with addictions. We can relate. Earlier we had a couple of threads discussing the concept of trying to remain friends after separation. The message I took away was overwhelmingly- CUT THE TIES. The marriage didn't work and there were reasons for that. If you find that after meeting with him you have to bring yourself back to a better place, why put yourself through that? You mentioned that you have great things in your life. Focus your energies on those things. And I think many will agree that we have given in to the tears and cried uncontrollably. Sometimes for hours, sometimes for days. A huge part of your life has ended. This is a grief process. It's not an easy process. In fact, for lack of a better choice of words, it really sucks. But you will make it through it. We all will. I hope to hear form you again. Let us know how it's going.