I can connect with this. I have no answer for you though. Im still trying to find my own.
'The new love is calling, the old love is pleading Im caught in a riptide. What should I do?'
(Robert Palmer).
20 years runs deep.
Sometimes we want to love the 'right' person, the one who is kind and sweet, has integrity, thoughtful. In our head we know this is the sensible road, however our hearts can say something very different although we dont want it to.
who's company do you actually enjoy the most (on a day to day basis, not just the really good memories)? Who would you prefer spending time with?
I wish I could help more, its not a nice place to be.