Oh, Missy. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. The wave of emotions one feels at this point are CRAZY. You head and your heart will fight you keep you in turmoil. BUT you WILL find strength you never knew you had. You WILL do what you have to do to take care of those boys. You WILL come out on the other side of this a whole person capable of being happy.
Yes, your husband is irresponsible. The gay list thing...YIKES! That had to have been a shock. If he has secretly been on this list, he is avoiding talking to you (because he knows he's wrong in his choices) and he is neglecting his duties as a husband and father, he is being irresponsible. When my stbx would stay out all night he would somehow twist it and make it my fault? Huh? He is a master at this one. Anything to releive himself the responsibility of his choices.
Please do keep us posted. This is a safe place to share your story and to feel not quite so alone.