lonelyone, I completely agree with the others that you cannot blame yourself and put yourself down. Really, what does it do to do that? Nothing but make you feel terrible. It is good to accept responsibility, it is a part of our life journey and growth. But it's time to close that door now. Put it down to a learning experience. Sometimes we go through these things, these people bring out the worst in us. So better he is gone, you need to be around someone that brings out the best in you. You pretty much identified things you don't like about yourself. That's OK, they don't define you. People are overweight for different reasons. If it bothers you, if you think you can change it, make a goal to get healthier. Start small, set lots of reachable goals, not one big one that feels overwhelming and impossible to reach. Same with the other things, if you feel yourself ready to say something nasty, practice stopping yourself. And for the money, if you are going to spend on something you know you shouldn't, wait a few days before buying. The need for whatever it is will likely fade.

You really, truly CAN do this. I don't think anyone could have ever self-loathed more than I did, I was a cutter and tried to kill myself (many many years ago), I mean I HATED me, we are talking extreme here. But over the years, that has changed. I think I am pretty cool now! I used to try to run from myself, now I am happy to be me. I have worked hard to change my outlook. So if I can go from so low, I know that anyone can.

First, forgive yourself. None of us is perfect, we all make mistakes.

Second, don't take all the blame. He has his share. OK, maybe you could have done things differently, but so could have he. He could have been more supportive. He should have been faithful. You may have your faults, as we all do, but he failed miserably.

Third, look forward, not backward. What is done is done. You are still here. You can still be the person you want to be. My favorite things to think about are "what would you do if you knew you could not fail", and "courage is not being without fear, it's being afraid but doing it anyway". I have taken HUGE steps in my life recently. Took crazy chances. Above all, had faith. I literally was in fetal position the other day, telling myself I was crazy, yelling to God I can NOT do this. Then I got up, did what I needed to do, and things couldn't have worked out better.

Never ever let your faith waiver. KNOW, not just believe, that all will work out fine. Pray a lot. Know God is with you always and loves you always and WANTS you to be happy. I was not raised religious, don't go to church. But I have a very strong faith, this keeps me going, makes me feel I am never alone. I know people who are afraid to do things alone. I feel I am never alone, so I am willing to take risks. It REALLY helps. Try http://www.divorcecare.org/, you can sign up for daily emails. Sometimes they give me just what I needed to hear, other times they don't apply and I just delete it, but I do get help from them.

Most of all, be good to yourself. He does not define your worth, nor does any man or relationship. Your weight doesn't define you, maybe it bothers you, but focus on all the GOOD things about you that make you awesome, that make your friends and family love you and care about you, those are the important things, not the physical. His leaving is his loss. Part-time husbands are worth nothing. Sending you hugs and peace

Oh, and remember, success is the best revenge!

Your weight should determine your husbands love for you. I've been thin then fat then average. Who you are truely inside is who he should love and you too. But I understand, I would be feeling insecure if he was seeing someone thinner or prettier than me. Was it more you being overweight or how you acted about it. Maybe if you showed self confidence it would make the choice harder. Either way you could show him it didn't bother you.

Thanks to everyone who replied to my post. I'm sorry that I didn't reply sooner, but please know that every reply means a lot to me and I am so very very very grateful for the help and wisdom from the women on this board. I would be lost without all of you.
Hugs to all!

Thank you all. You all addressed in your own words what I must remember. I did not quit - he did. I hung in with him at his worst. He did not truly love me. Selfish person.