Hi Ekinard,

You said you already signed the divorce paper and nothing you could do about it. Can you visit your son? And your other 2 kids?

First, you contact your family and friends; don't give up on them before you try to come back to them and ask for help.

Second, you go to welfare division in your town to tell them your story and ask what they can do to help you. You have at least one skill; what you enjoy doing and are good at them are your skills; you just have to find out which one is marketable. Talk to welfare people about that; I believe they send people to get trained for a job. And ask them when it benefits you to leave him.

And you should leave the minute you can. What role in his household do you have if you stay? He divorced you, remember? Why do you want to stay? Because you still love him. You said you didn't know why you still love him; after what you said about the way he has been treating you, the only reasonable conclusion that people can come up with is (please pardon me) you are addicted to cruelty. I don't mean it as an insult or a disrespect; I just want to help you to realize whatever you feel for him is not love. How can you love someone who doesn't love you and treats you badly?

There are places for sheltering abused women; ask around, at government agencies for social services, online (go to library to use their computer). Have faith in yourself, you are a unique individual who has her own self-worth, don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. And you are not alone; you believe you don't have anyone to depend on, then the best thing is to go straight to the government and public for help. Our society is organized with different aid organizations, both public and private. Go to Red Cross, Salvation Army, homeless shelters.

Welfare division will help you to get a public lawyer (free) so you can tell her/him your situation, to see if she/he can do anything for you, especially where it is concerning your son. And be with your children any chance you get.

I hope this can help you in some ways. Once again, please pardon me if I unintentionally offend you in any way; that is never my intention. Be strong, have faith in yourself and in others, think positively and appreciate whatever you have. Happiness is voluntary; you choose to be happy, you will be happy. God Bless.

Mai :)

the divorce was finalized today they granted us both joint custody im still living with him im planning on leaving in a week or if he kicks me out sooner im probably going to go to a womans abuse shelter and hopefully they can help me find a job or at least get training for one its so hard to go through this its the most painfull thing ive ever went through in my entire life im scared of what lifes going to throw at me next i just feel like hiding in a little corner for the next 10 years he said if i want to stay i pretty much have to surcumb to slavery heres a post of his rules he made up for meBrads Rules

1. No Friends of any kind
Friends that are girls are considered *****s
Friends that are boys are considered people who want to get with me

2. No family of any kind his family doesn’t like me and my family are bad people

3. The only people that are allowed to be considered family to me are Him, Clyde, Reece and Jazzmin

4.No crying around him it just makes him angry and disgusted

5.No snuggling, touching, or holding him while he’s trying to sleep

6.No arguing because he’s always right I’m always wrong

7.He can do whatever he wants when he wants and I’m not allowed to be lonely, sad, or upset while he’s gone or when he get’s back or have an opinion of why he shouldn’t go

8.I’m not allowed to be seen in public with him because I’m just an embarrassment

9.I’m not allowed to know what he’s doing because it’s none of my business

10.These are the rules I must follow if I want to stay with him and Clyde

is it worth staying is there a better life for me out there or is it worse

They say grass is always greener-I'd say in this case the grass is flourishing on the other side. The trip to get there isn't always an easy one. In fact it's quite painful and difficult at times. But living in that home with those expectations-who can live like that? I think it's a good idea to check with the woman's shelter and see how they can help you. Set your goals, in baby steps, and move forward. Some days you feel like it's 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. But with each small goal you accomplish, you will begin to feel empowered and reaching your next goal will be easier. YOU CAN DO THIS. We're here for you. Keep posting and letting us know how it's going.

Are you kidding? I really HOPE you are joking when you ask if there's a better life or worse! Did you read your list? Did he really say that??? That's nuts! Um, yeah, there really IS a better life out there for you, a much much better and happier life! Don't be afraid. Well, let me rephrase that, have courage. Even if you are afraid of the unknown, just take the chance and go. Things will fall into place, they always do. So much joy is waiting for you, go get it!