I understand the pain all of you are in. I am there to. ctwc - it has to get better doesn't it? I do not think it could possibly get worse. Barb, does the new life you plan on your strong days include a new love? I am so, so afraid that I will end up alone, but on the other hand I do not know if I will ever want to put my heart out there to be torn into shreds again. That is if it ever heals. Ladyrb you are so right in hoping that our men will one day be out of our lives, our heads, and our hearts. That is probably what we need. But what can I do when I don't want him out of my heart. He has broken every dream I ever had and very nearly broken me. But just tonight we sat watching tv together and I looked across the room and cried because I cannot imagine him not being there. I just want him back. (and for those who are wondering, this is love not co-dependency. My therapist says that I am very healthy, I love the man with all my heart even after all the damage he has done.)

Alone, sometimes I think about finding a guy for a friend. If it would turn into something way later, it would. I am like you, scared to death of being hurt again. I don't feel strong love for him anymore. I hurt for the dream of my life and what it was to be with an intact family. But him looking for and leaving for another woman has removed the largest part of the love. I lived for this man. It was awful. My life revolved around him. He had no reason to look elsewhere, except the desire for something new and exciting. I also am afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. I am 54, so you factor in time to heal and I am not sure how that will work out. At least later on I would like to find someone as a friend. Just so I didn't feel so alone. I have 2 daughters who live here and a grand daughter and one on the way, so my family will keep me busy. But I agree with someday wanting a good guy. Someday. . .

At 53 I feel so torn. Of course, I need time to heal. I would never want to rush into anything. But I also cannot imagine ever being completely fullfilled and happy as a woman without someone to love and to get that love back from him. Of course , I have my children but we all know that is not at all the same kind of love. They have lives of their own, as it should be. I want someone to share MY life with. I can't help but feel that my time to find another love is limited. And who knows how many losers I will have to meet to find a good man, if I ever do. I can't halp but think that all the good men in my age range are staying with their loving lives, working things out if they have problems, at least admitting to being unhappy so that the marriage can be worked on. All the respectful, caring things that I did not get from my husband. I deserved a chance. That much I know.

Hi Alone - I know it will get better but, it is just such
a long journey. And I don't think I will ever be that same person I was before all of this and that's OK. My therapist tells she has already noticed a change in me since my first visit.

I agree with you about not wanting to be alone but, I can't imagine falling in love again. It is a double edge sword and a no win either way. But, who knows what the future holds for anyone one of us. None us imagined being in our current situation. So, I tell myself my new life will be adventure of the unknown.

Jo, I am so sorry for your pain. It is for all the good times, the birthdays, the holidays, that we ladies here on this board are grieving. I think it hurts more because our husbands do not seem to grieve or care about what was left behind or the years of memories. My H has a birthday two days after he is due back from his trip to see the OW. I find it odd that he did not take more time off so that he could stay longer to be with the her on his special day. I doubt he will want to share it with me or our son at this point. I have not bought him a present and doubt I will. I still love him, but I am done with giving him opportunities to hurt me, so I will not put myself out to give him a present just to be rejected.

Please know you are not alone. Big hugs to you!

Lonelyone, I'm proud of you. You have gained so much strength in the last few weeks. Hang in there. Hugs.