I don't know that I would ever want to remember good times with my stbx, but I really hope one day to not be consumed with the emotions. I hope I can heal and have a life and not spend most of my day trying to deal with the pain and the hate and the devastation I feel. It's not been quite 4 months since he left, and the papers are nearly finished, but it seems like a lifetime already. And I am no closer to an end, I swear. Sorry, I having a bad day today. Started off good, but then had to deal with stupid mother in law on phone and it brought me down.

See to me I don't have any good time memories with the flea, all my memories are of him sneaking around my house or at parts to go with big foot or another woman. For me yes I have hatred, and I hate them both, but I also pity them both. I feel so sorry for both of them, right now big foot has the flea by the b*lls. He goes to my sons games and has to be out of there by 8pm or she is already emailing or calling him. What a trust they have. Of course I am enjoying seeing him squirm. Poor pathetic little man.

I hope some day I get to see my stbx squirm. Hes always been in control of everything and is sure as rain that he is going to get away with not having to give me a thing. According to my lawyer, he is in for one hell of a surprise. God I sure hope so. And as for the hatred...idk. I am not a very forgiving person. Every person that I trusted has hurt me, and when I give ppl a second chance I always seem o get burned. I am actually scared to forgive but I hope I can get over it. I will never forgive him but I have been succssful, most days now, to let it go.

I don't think I have a prayer at foregiveness until the papers are signed. Right now Jerk is trying to control so much and is fining ways to hurt me. I feel like I'm still in the middle of it and that I have to be on the other side before I can consider forgiveness. I'm sure I will need to forgive to find inner peace, but I'm a long ways from there!