Alone, my heart breaks for you. I cried reading your post. I so know how you feel. I felt the same way when my idiot husband left me for OW. All the same emotions. All the questions and shock of the outcome. You gave it your all, and he did not. We never will know why they do this to us after such a long marriage. I am heading into the fourth month since he left, and the papers are nearing completion. I have to sell my house. A good thing, tho, I think. Somewhere to go where he has never been. Find a new life for yourself. You have children and grandchildren that will help you get through. Get someone to represent you so that you don't get sold short on this divorce. Protect yourself. You are such a dear, please let us know how you are holding up. Sending love and hugs to you.

You have done all you can & it's not enough. I think what makes it hard is the concept that we can't fix everything- even if we feel it's the right thing.

I tried for years to get my ex-h to put the kids & I first in his life- and eventually I had to stop. It wasn't my fault- and this is in no way your fault. It is what it is- a sad outcome.

I think it's natural to feel all your effort was in vain, but it wasn't- you have set a good example to your kids & grandkids. You did all the right things- that is the part that speaks about you & your ethics.

I believe you'll be happier out of this situation. When I left- my kids got to see the real me- and I felt a weight was lifted. I hope things work out for you- stay strong...

Dear Alone, my heart breaks for you. I have been trying to save my marriage too and am starting to think that I've done it all wrong, that I've been too nice, tried to hard to fix it, let him believe it was all my fault when it wasn't.

From all I've read these shady affairs never work out because it is impossible to build them on the pain and suffering of others. There will always be a shadow over the relationship. Always.

I've also read that these men eventually come back because they finally understand what the affair cost them-family, kids, friends, money, homes, respect-and they realize that the price was too high and they want it all back. I find some consolation in this but I am not looking forward to the years of pain while he figures it all out. I'm finding that living hour to hour, day to day is about all that I can handle right now. Any thought of the future ratchets the pain, fear and anxiety sky high and I about lose my mind.

I hope what I've written helps. I'm sending big hugs and prayers your way. You are NOT alone.

Would you really be able to welcome back the cheating sob that left you in such pain?! I loved him with all my heart, but he tossed it and our girls aside to run off with someone else. By the time he gets his head out of his @ss---if he even does---I will have healed and what would I want with a lying cheater? I can't believe that I would be able to be with him ever again after all the pain he has caused. And how on earth could you ever trust him again?

Barb, as for me, I truly believe that his affair is a one time thing most likely caused by a mid-life crisis and possibly depression issues that my husband has refused to face until this started. I am positive nothing like this has happened in the past. To my shame the situation has also pointed out just how stale our relationship had become. That issue has been addressed and no longer exsists. Husband has suffered greatly for what he is doing. Yes, I know he brought it on himself and deserves all of it. But if he were to decide our marriage was what he wants, I would watch carefully for a time and he would have to earn back my trust. But I do not think I would have a problem trusting again.

Alone, you're a better person than I am...I'd never take the louse back if it were me.

Your situation, however, is so far different from mine, and I genuinely wish you the best. I pray things work out the way that you hope. =)