Thank you for your reply. Custody is not an issue. The divorce is in its final process and should be over in June. I guess when I said I feel like running away, I mean like physically leaving with the children and physically moving to a new town, to a fresh start. I do not have to pay him, he is a disabled vet and actually makes more than I do and I have a good job with good pay as a nurse. I just really feel like running away... Maybe that is what I need... a few days away by myself. I am just afraid if I went anywhere by myself he would accuse me of not wanting the children and then fighting for them. I don't feel like I can take care of my needs until the divorce is over. UGGHHHHH! Do I still love him? In ways I do, but I don't think I am in love with him. In my opinion, a divorce is a divorce and two people must go separate ways. He IS the one that wanted it. SO why does he not want to let go?
I hope I dont offend you by saying this (I dont mean to), but since you cheated first, did he cheat just for spite and maybe he doesnt really want the divorce?
Him wanting to shack up is such a bad idea. First off you are right. Divorce means you are going your separate ways...not still sleeping together. Second, that would be so confusing for the kids. Either you are together or youre not. He needs to be thinking of that and how it would impact the kids still having him around like that.
I understand about wanting to just take off. I would love that as well. June isnt too far off...time does go fast, and I hope that you get the time you need for yourself. We need to take care of us too!
I was worried about being on my own with my son too. How would I work and take care of him alone? Just keep in mind that there are so many single parents out there, and they all make it work. You will too.
I'm not really sure if he cheated for spite or not. He won't talk about it. (Imagine that). He does keep saying he wants a divorce. I really want to go separate ways right now, just give it a break, how do I do that? How do I get him to move out? Financially speaking neither one of us can afford it.
Dear Chelee, Thank you for the information your shared with us. It puts everything in another light. It seems you have come full circle on this. Once you can emotionally detach I think it gets much easier. It is probably time to set some boundaries with him. Let him know that "shacking up" is not an option. He needs to be able to go on with his life as well. Many couples who put the kids first can co-parent very well. My first husband and I did it and it worked. One thing though we each still had a very deep affection for one in other. It was alot like your story. He was a Viet Nam Vet but handled it real well. I cheated while he was away. He came home and we tried to make it work but it just didn't. We still care for each other alot and it's been 37 years. Each of us remarried. He is happy and I am miserable going through this divorce. I go with waiting just alittle longer to go somewhere. You might try and take a friend along and go to a kid friendly place. Take the kids and ask the friend for some just you time. I think you sound like your pretty much going to do just fine. If your STBX puts his kids first this is going to be better for each of you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Have you ever thought that maybe your STBX just want to be with you and other woman at the same time. The flea(ex) did that he asked for a divorce, he was living with big foot(ow) and would come and sleep with me. The only thing you can do is ask to move or you move. Once your kids start visitation with him, you will get "ME" time. I know it sound self fish but sometimes we do need some time alone. About running away, it will never work, you are a mother and once you are away from your kids, you will want to come back to them, believe me I have been there. My advice is to move or tell him to move. That will be your peace of mind. Also don't sleep with him anymore, if you really wanted the divorce cut all ties with him and first is to stop sleeping with him. Take care and keep us posted.
Just thought I would update everyone on my situation. Yesterday was my 11th anniversary with the STBX. Since I knew I would not be getting anything, I went out and bought me a ring. Looks like the new princess' ring. He did wish me a happy anniversary. I told him also and stated it will be the last one. I think that shocked him. I am wanting to move on and being under the same roof is not helping!!