Jerk (my nickname for my ex) used to blow me off when I was PMSing. I'd tell him he pi$$ed me off that much all of the time, but when I was PMSing I didn't have the self control to keep it to myself. He didn't believe me, but it was the truth.

Many parts of that letter could have been written by me to...you've got it...Jerk! He'd tell me he was leaving then turn around and act like everything was normal. The last time he told me he was leaving I finally gave him permission. He needed me to do this so he didn't feel so guilty. Because of course it is all about him and what works best for him. At this point I pushed the issue. "You want to leave? Let's go tell the kids...No...we need to do it right away. I'm not going to live this way." Then it was "Now the kids know so you need to leave...No, tonight. You aren't going to lead them on...no false hope." He just didn't have the b*//s to do it. But I did. Be strong. You can do this. Keep us posted.

Dear ladies, It must be like giving up your right arm to finally let go completely. Like your arm you needed these men. They were major players in the family. It is so hard to completely cut the ties. We are lonely and even though we are getting the scrapes they toss us it is something. People can recover from the loss of a right arm. They learn to do things differently. They get a prosthesis (another relationship, which can even be a new relationship with themselves)to aid their recovery. It is the age old story of letting go completely and not looking back. Most of these men you wouldn't even have as friends. Would you keep a friend who abused you in this fashion? I know it is a whole different story with kids involved. It is possible to be civil but not engaging. It is possible to co-parent (making it always about the kids, no personal stuff) to talk about. It is possible to be blunt without attacking. It is hard and takes alot of self control but you can have the last laugh if you don't feed their ego's anymore than you already have. 99% of them are in fact gone forever. We need to stop allowing them to take even more from us. It hurts, it's hard, so hard but it can be done. We do understand and feel your pain. You are all being reborn and the birthing process isn't easy for the new born baby. It dramatically changes the environment in which they exist. It makes them vulnerable and totally dependent. Somehow they survive and thrive and grow in the new and sometimes hostile environment. There are those who love, protect, and care for them and in most cases life is good. This is how we are at this time, like the new born babies. But we can survive and thrive and grow as well. Keep posting and leaning on each other for support. We can all get through this! I have faith.

Dear Kiki, It is way past time for you to seek legal counsel. I don't know what state you live in but your husband will most likely have to pay you spousal support and for sure child support. It is not fair to leave the kids in the dark on what is going on as well. I strongly recommend a therapist for both yourself and the children. They can tell you what to tell the children. Their worlds are about to be rocked here and the easier you can let them down the better. This man is very evil in my book. He is really playing you because you are infact a good mother and want to protect your children. What kind of a sick man is this. As hard as it is you will have to tell him no more! He sounds like he is destroying you bit by bit. Protect yourself and your children today financially. He has both feet out the door and you know that in your heart. It will only get worse. Call his bluff. Who knows maybe it will scare him into trying to repair the marriage. I feel so sorry for your situation really I do. You have to act now. So many of the women on this site delayed to try and fix the marriage and it only hurt them and the children in the end. It gives you power over your situation to get the facts on what you are entitled to. DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR HUSBAND!!!!!!He is not looking out for anyone but himself. Just because he says it doesn't make it true! If there is a way to salvage the marriage it can still be done even if you find out your rights and what is going to happen in the courts. Please know we are here for your support. Please act today.