Dear Isla, I am so sorry for your pain. I would really not have any other children at least for now with this man. He sounds really, really, really not mature and selfish. The fact that he lies alot really troubles me. Does he lie just to you to avoid doing something he doesn't want to do or not to have you call him on something? I think it is past time for this young man to have a reality check. I'm sure he loves his children but wants you to do all the work. I guess his actions are a form of abuse but you didn't indicate there was any physical abuse. You need to have a meeting with him when the children go to sleep. I would set your boundaries with him. His behavior is unexceptable. I would start with your finances. Sit down and explain the bare facts of it to him. You might also explain that there doesn't seem to be very much benefit to you in this marriage and that it benefits him more than you or the children. He has been able to act this way until now and needs a real good icewater bath. If you can just set some fair guidelines and stick to them. I have been married for 37 years and let my husband totally control me through controlling all our monies and assets. I finally filed for divorce. We have been working together now to iron out our problems. He is giving me equal access to our monies and assets and I am finally being a loving and appreciative wife to him. This has actually turned into a win/win for both of us. I'm really sorry it had to come to me filing for divorce which has cost about 20,000 in legal and experts fee's so far. We really could have used this money alot wiser than this if we just could have communicated and shared. I guess it has been worth every dime to be able to save our marriage. I had to set my boundaries and him his and we both had to stick with them. I believe that was the key. I always gave in in the past. Let him know you are tired of the way things are so unequal and if he wants to stay in this marriage it is past time for him to step up to the plate. He also needs to realize he will be paying child support and you will probably get the house. I had to look honestly for my part in our marriage problems and correct them. No matter how small we all have a hand in the problem if nothing more than not standing up for ourselves. The one issue which really troubles me however is the pot smoking! He needs to man up here and realize that is not going to be allowed now that he is a husband and father with responsiblities. My thoughts and prayers go with you and your babies. I pray your son is well soon.