You are exactly right. I also had no idea there was anything wrong, certainly never ever suspected him of cheating. I just found out recently that there had been two other affairs but short lived. It does make me feel like the life I thought we had was all just a lie. He has also told me that he hasn't loved me for many years but just played the part. Makes me feel pretty stupid not figuring that out. I don't believe him when he says that, I think it is just a way for him to make what he did right in his mind. I don't understand how he could come home, kiss me and look me right in the eyes and tell me he loved me when he had just been with her. He showed no sign of lying at all and I don't understand how he could all of a sudden become that kind of guy, well maybe he always was but how could I have missed that. I think that is one of the hardest things to deal with, thatt nothing that was ever said to me in the past 34 years was true, I can't get anything to hold on to and remember with pleasure it is all just a lie now. I too feel like I have just wasted my whole life and now at 62 (in a week)now I have to start over because of something i had no control over, something I had no say in and something that was done to me not by me. How come we are the ones left to clean up the mess and deal with all the betrayal? We do not deserve this but even though we know that it does not change the fact that it was thrust upon us with out warning and there is no way to make it right. What a mess we are in. Are you sure you weren't married to the same guy???? Ha Ha

I am starting to think we are all married to the SAME MAN! Bridget, I could have written what you did, I am in exactly the same position. Never in a million years did I see myself seperated at 50 and facing divorce after 21yrs together. I was ready to slow work down, go on long holidays together with all the Long service leave we have, now, NOTHING! All I have is the same as you ladies have, memories filled with questions about "was our life a complete lie?"

I know they try to justify their actions by saying they have not loved us for some years, yeah, I got that one too, not loved me for 5 years. Well how stupid is he to stay with me if he didn't love me. How stupid of me not to even notice he didn't love me, when I was under the impression we could not ask for more in our lives than what we have ( NOW HAD!)

The loss is overwhelming some days and the tears don't stop. The tears are for me though, not him. My tears are for my loss of love/family/companionship/husband/friend/our home, not sure there is much more to lose, so sadness is a constant companion these days.

God helps me see everyday how lucky I am though to be alive, helps me see the beauty in my surroundings and friends. He on the other hand has NOTHING but MISERY, and we all know how much MISERY ENJOYS COMPANY and now he has it with his new screw!

Better days to come for all of us :)

Joe you said it. Misery loves company and he will be miserable with his sl*t. She was a miserable person before and after going through two husbands came looking for my husband. He ate up every thing she said to him and she knew just how to work him. They are both pretty good liars so they truly deserve eachother.
You know when I found out in 1992 that I had an incurable liver disease and it was very rare. They gave me 10 to 12 years. I thought that was the worst thing that could happen to me. I got through it and now the disease has stopped progressing and will not do me in. Then 2 1/2 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I thought that would do me in, I am 2 1/2 years cancer free and don't even worry about that anymore. I thought I survived those devistating things in my life and I truly thought I had it made now. That is when I found out he was cheating. He had not been there for me during these things anyway. His idea of comfort is "don't talk about it, ignore it and it will go away and take care of its self". then this mess. I know they say God only gives you as much as you can take, well I keep asking him if I am done now. I tell God I have had my share now so please let this be the last big devistating thing in my life. I know I am strong having gone through this but I just don't want to be strong anymore. I want to be taken care of. I want a man who puts his arms around me every day and asks me how I am doing. Askes me if there is anything he can do to make my life better, easier. That is all I want.

So now the jerk tells me that he was always there for me and worried about me all the time but just never said anything because he didn't want to remind me of what I was going through. He didn't say or do anything for me because he didn't want to do the wrong thing. That is just his way of saying he didn't really care because it wasn't about him.
When I think about how he is and things he has done I really should be laughing. He has no friends to lean on, not one. He never kept friends and never went out of his way to make any. His sisters are more miserable human beings than he is and neither of our kids want much to do with him. So in the long run I am so much better off. My kids love me, I have wonderful suportive friends and I have all of you womderful women in here.
After all Jo you and I were married to the same man I am sure!! They just don't know what they have lost. They will find out one day and it will be too late for them. I live for that day.

Hi Bridget,

I just entered this site and felt compelled to tell you, I completely understand. I am going through the same thing, with a very similar man. I never ever thought this would be my life. I am 6mo in, and i am constantly in awe that this is my life. I hate every moment of it but yet I'm smart enough to know I must over come and survive. I dont know how, but I will. I just want you to know I feel your pain, more than you can even imagen..