May, the problem with these guys...we all seem to have married some version of the same messed up male...is they are selfish and self centered. Life is supposed to revolve around them. We spend our lives meeting their needs. We have to, because their love is not like ours. We love unconditionally. They love conditionally. As long as things are going exactly as they want them to, they are loving. So all our energy has gone into the marriage and making sure they are happy. But it's somehow not enough for them. They want new and exciting, so they go find someone else. They walk out and toss us aside like trash.
It hurts. I know it does. We rack our brain trying to figure out what we did wrong. We did nothing to cause this. We loved them and they chose to walk away, because they think there is something better out there. And for a while, while it is new and exciting, they will be happy. But soon they will crash. A new relationship is not the answer, but they are too dumb to know it. Because where ever they go and whatever they do--they are still there! They are the problem in their own lives, and they don't get it.
You are an amazing woman and mom. You will get through this. We all will. Step by step we will get stronger and we will hold each other up along the way. Hang in there!
I just want you to know I feel exactly the same way. I was married 19yrs and have 2 kids. After all these years he had an affair. I feel like how long have i been living with the enemy? was this the man i married? how did i not see this? i pride myself on thinking i have a good judge of character-what went wrong? everything is about him and he tries to act like this great guy but in reality he is a lair, cheater and thief. i struggle everyday with my new reality. i have been a stay at home mom, no job, how can i do this? so many unanswered questions, so many unknowns!!! i just pray that god has a different plan for me. that some how i will be better for this and some how HE WILL NOT BE BETTER FOR THIS. i truly believe in karma. it just has to come back and bite him, it just has TOOO!!! i will talk to you any time..
May, I am so sorry for what you are going through because of the man you trusted and loved. I know how rotten that feels. You have been there for me with good advice and I wish I could say something to help you feel better. Please just know that, like the others here, I am avalable to listen and I do understand your pain. I believe that we will get through this, really as moms we have no choice but to carry on for our children. Mine are grown but they still need me, they need a sense of family, now more than ever because of the father's betrayal of our FAMILY. How can they think they are only hurting us when in reality they are killing a family. Like Stacy I hope that Kharma is real. I have seen it in action a couple times in my life. I love my husband, I do not wish him to suffer for the rest of his life but I do hope that he comes to truly understand and regret the enormity of the WRONG he has done to me and our family. I hope yours will too.
Rest assured, they will have consequences for their actions. It says so in the Bible: You reap what you sow. And they all seem to think it's just between the two of us, but the ripples go out way farther into the family than they ever imagined.