Nancy, You have a lot to process. First the distance, then learning about your husband's affair and the divorce.
You've been brought in this painful situation in just a couple of months! So, yes, it is totally legit that you feel lost and in deep pain. Your emotions have hijacked your amygdala and you have no clear space to think right.
This situation must hurt your children as well and they probably are trying to grief as well. That's possible that your fears are showing and your pain is contagious. It's not your fault. But they probably don't want to add more to their own suffering.
Right now, you need to take good care of yourself.
Even if it's normal to feel the way you feel, you will need to get prepared for your divorce and move on with your life. (yes, easy say but needed). Nothing is impossible Nancy.
You can write to me at sophie@sophieclement.com if you need to talk. You are not alone Nancy.
I feel your pain so well. However, i was the one that left. It was a toxic, emotionally abusive marriage and after 30 years i was finally able to support myself and get out. BUT, the pain i am feeling is overwhelming and I'm sure is exactly how you feel. I am mourning the death of my marriage, the fact that he couldn't/wouldn't change for me. Not to mention in two months he already has a girlfriend and posted pictures on FB of them at our favorite getaway spot. It hurts like a death. I don't have any advice for you because i am sobbing at least once a day, but everyone keeps telling me it will get better and it just takes time. I so know your pain, i can feel it now as i type this. I'm so sorry, just know you are not alone.
Paula, you have just told my story EXACTLY! After 34 years of marriage, he revealed he didn't love me. Off in his new sports car with a girlfriend and all over FaceBook. I am so sad and lonely. My therapist has listened to a number of situations that confused me about my ex and said: "This is all the same thing. He did not have the skill set to be a husband." So, I don't want the emotional abuse, but I don't want to be alone. If you find out how to quit crying, let me know. People also tell me it will take time. Well it's been almost a year and my heart physically hurts like it's being stabbed.
Nancy, I feel this entire situation since it's just like mine. My therapist says I should "refute" the feelings by saying to myself: "That's over now." I do this, but what comes next? It's terrifying to me. My heart physically hurts. I wake up every day thinking, "Oh no, it's really true." This maybe doesn't offer comfort, but just know that you're NOT alone.